ELCA script
Saturday, June 27, 2009

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GK: After this message from the Evelyn Lundberg Counseling Agency. The ELCA. Some people go to therapists for nurturing, but if itís the plain truth you want, then try Evelyn Lundberg.

SS (EVELYN): Well look at you, for crying out loud. You went out and got yourself a sunburn. Well, la di da. House is a mess and youíre out lounging in the sun. My gosh you look like a lobster right out of the pot. That is not attractive. Hurts, too, Iíll betcha. Well, thatís what you get for going to the beach. Slicking yourself up with expensive sunscreen and lying out there like a salmon on a plank. And you got a sunburn. Whatíd you think was gonna happen? Huh? You put raw meat under the broiler, donít be surprised when it gets cooked. Okay? If you didnít want to go to Chicago, then whyíd you get on the train? Ever read about skin cancer? Huh? You want to wind up looking like a lizard when youíre 65?

You donít have the sense that God gave geese. If you ask me, you are a ten-dollar haircut on a 59 cent head. Shape up. Put on a long-sleeved shirt next time. Wear a hat with a brim. And get busy cleaning out your basement. You been down there lately? Youíd think homeless people lived in your house. Why donít you just get a grocery cart and walk around town with it? Huh? Youíve got work to do so donít let me catch you lying around in the sun, trying to get a tan. You want a tan, Iíll tan you with a stick, and I donít mean maybe...

SS: Go put some aloe lotion on it and quit feeling sorry for yourself or Iíll give you something to feel sorry about and I donít mean maybe.

GK: A message from the ELCA. The Evelyn Lundberg Counseling Agency.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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