Crispy script
Saturday, September 5, 2009

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(THEME) TR (ANNC): And now, the Adventures of Earl Sanderson, Eagle Scout, and his dog Crispy (ARF ARF) Brought to you by Tasty Morsels Breakfast Cereal...the nutritious oat cereal with a valuable prize in every single box. And now, today's story.


GK: Hello? Hello? Is anybody down there? Hello?

SS (OFF): Hello?

GK: Yes! I'm up here! On the ferris wheel that got stuck.

SS (OFF): I know that, sir, and we're doing everything we can to fix it.

GK: Okay, but it's been stuck for awhile.

SS (OFF): You could just climb down the girders of the ferris wheel, sir. Other passengers have done that.

GK: I realize that, but I have a fear of falling.

SS (OFF): Then you didn't read the warning???

GK: Which one?

SS: It's printed on the back of your ticket. “Persons afflicted with fear of heights should not ride the Ferris Wheel.”

GK: It's sort of small type.

SS: Well, it's there. — Your girlfriend climbed down all by herself.

GK: I know that.

SS: So why can't you?

GK: Is she still down there?

SS: No, she waited for awhile and then she went away with someone.

GK: Who?

SS: I don't know. Somebody. Maybe her brother.

GK: She doesn't have a brother.

SS: Call her on your cellphone.

GK: I dropped my cellphone! Could you call Earl Sanderson? the Eagle Scout?

SS: He's right here.

TR: Hello, sir. We're working on the problem and we're going to send Crispy the Rescue Dog up with a rope for you to tie around your waist, using the bowline hitch. You remember the bowline hitch from Boy Scouts?

GK: I think so.

TR: Good.

GK: Is that the one where the rabbit comes out of the hole and goes around the tree and then back down in the hole?

TR: Exactly. Very good.


Okay, Crispy's in harness and he's coming up to you sir. (MOTOR OF CRANE, WINCH SPOOLS, DOG PANTING)

TR (OFF): He has the rope in his mouth, and just tie it around your waist.


GK: Yes, sir. He's right here. And I have the rope.

TK (DOG): Make sure you don't drop it—-

GK: Not going to drop it, Crispy.

TK (DOG): Don't have all day, you know. I'm here with the dog of my dreams. Waiting for me down there. One with the big brown eyes— and that little wavy tail. Oh boy, her tail. Oh my gosh. She had a tail on her.....

GK: You're sort of drooling on me, okay?

TK (DOG): I was just about to go off to the parking lot with her and then I had to put on the dang harness and get lifted up here to rescue you.

GK: You know, your toenails are awfully sharp.

TK (DOG): You ever be with a woman and things were just about to happen and then somebody put you in a harness and up you went in the air?

GK: Happens to me all the time.

TR (OFF): How's that rescue coming, Crispy? Make sure he signs the waiver.

GK: A waiver! I'm terror-stricken. I can't sign my name. I can barely inhale.

TK (DOG): You gotta sign it. Otherwise he won't rescue you.

GK: What is it?

TK (DOG): It means if the crane accidentally drops you or the rope slips up around your neck, you can't sue him.

TR (OFF): You got that waiver signed? Sir?

TK (DOG): You got no choice, sir. You're kind of in the same position I am. —You ever hear of the dog's prayer?

GK: No.

TK (DOG): It goes like this. O Thou Whose Name Is Dog Spelled Backwards — Here I Am, In A World of Cats, and All the Tennis Balls Have Other Dogs' Spit On Them, O Lord Just Let Me Be Of Service And Guide And Fetch And Do Good For Others. And now and then, Lord--- now and then— Well, You know What I'm Thinking So I Don't Even Need To Say It. Thank you. Amen.

GK: Amen. — Okay. There. An X. (SFX) Good enough?

TK (DOG): Good enough. Okay— rope nice and snug? Good. (BARKS) Down you go. (WINCH)

GK: Where'd she go?

SS: Who?

GK: The girl I was with.

SS: You know, I can't keep track of your life for you.....

GK: I was trapped on the Ferris wheel.

SS: She waited around and you were frozen in fear so she left.

AS: No, I didn't.

SS: Oh. Here she is.

GK: Hi. Thanks for waiting around.

AS: Of course I waited around. We're together. Remember?


GK: I thought about you up there. I thought a lot about you. I didn't see you anywhere and I figured you'd found somebody else.

AS: I was here.

GK: I know. I missed you.



Oh, my love, my darling,
I've hungered for your touch a long, lonely time,
Time goes by so slowly and time can do so much.
Are you still mine?
I need your love, I need your love, God speed your love to me.


TR (ANNC): This has been another episode of Earl Sanderson, Eagle Scout, and his dog Crispy (ARF ARF)--Brought to you by Tasty Morsels Breakfast Cereal. The cereal with a valuable prize in every single box.


Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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