October 17, 2009
Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN

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Radio script

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GK: Sometimes life gets too small and predictable.

SS (WAITRESS): So what can I get you?

GK: Got a menu?

SS: Don’t need a menu. It’s breakfast. Got eggs and we got pancakes.

GK: Have any specials?

SS: What do you mean, specials?

GK: Like eggs Benedict, or omelets....

SS: Got eggs. Scrambled or fried. Bacon or sausage. Cottage fries.

GK: How about poached?

SS: Don’t have poached anymore. Nobody ever ordered em.

GK: What else you got?

SS: Pancakes.

GK: What kind of pancakes?

SS: what do mean, what kind? Pancakes. Buckwheat pancakes.

GK: No buttermilk?

SS: Nobody eats buttermilk pancakes anymore. Just buckwheat.

GK: How about waffles?

SS: Why not just order pancakes?

GK: I like waffles.

SS: Waffle iron’s put away.

GK: Okay. Pancakes. What do you put on it?

SS: On pancakes? Syrup and butter.

GK: How about jam?

SS: Why would you do that?

GK: Or whipped cream?

SS: What??

GK: Or fresh fruit.

SS: We’ve got canned fruit. Pineapple. Or cherries.

GK: In California they serve pancakes with fresh fruit. Like strawberries.

SS: I’ve got frozen strawberries. Or you could put strawberry jam. I don’t know why you would but—

GK: In California, they serve fresh fruit with pancakes.

SS: In California they serve fresh fruit with a bikini wax.

GK: I just thought you could consider some other possibilities—

SS: My brother went to California and he went running on the beach and stepped in a suckhole and broke his ankle, and it flared up into spinal stenosis and now he’s on full disability but I guess he can have fresh fruit on his pancakes if that’s what he wants, I don’t know.

GK: When life starts to seem too small....too predictable.... Time to turn to radio. (MUSIC FLOURISH) Radio! The medium of mystery! (ELEPHANT CALL) Where the cool people hang out. (LAUGHTER, PARTY) There’s always action and adventure in radio. (CARS RACING PAST) Exotic people from all over the world. (WISPS OF FRENCH, RUSSIAN, GERMAN.) Beautiful people (LASCIVIOUS LAUGHTER). All there, on your radio. So put some excitement in your life. (FAST CAR ACCEL, GUNSHOTS, SCREECHING AROUND CURVE, MACHINE GUN. CAR RACING. EXPLOSION.) Radio.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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