October 24, 2009
Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN

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ETA

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GK: ....brought to you by ETA. Emergency Travel Agents. (SHIP HORN) At any time, any day of the week, (DARK CHORDS) you're likely to read something in the newspaper that makes your blood run cold.....

SS: "Never store cheese in plastic wrap.” WHAT? WHEN DID THEY FIND THAT OUT?

GK: There it is, a warning from some government bureau. Somebody with a Ph.D in home economics.

SS: Oh my gosh. “If you purchase cheese in plastic wrap, remove it immediately upon reaching home and re-cover the cheese in wax paper or cheese paper." (SHUDDER OF HORROR) All these years I've been storing cheese improperly. Al? AL?

TR: (MONOTONE, FLAT) What is it, darling?

SS: Al! What are you doing?

TR (MONOTONE, FLAT): I'm braiding my chest hair, darling.

SS: Al, have you been eating cheese? Improperly stored cheese?
And where are the kids? Kayla???? Kyle?????

TR (MONOTONE): The kids left on a bus for Mexico.
SS: But they're only thirteen years old!
TR (MONOTONE): Oh. Right. Okay. Yeah. Good point.

SS: It's all my fault. Improper cheese storage. I am a terrible person.

GK: And so you become a crusader, standing in the parking lot outside the supermarket.
(TRAFFIC)

SS: Unwrap your cheese. Take the plastic off! Please! Put your cheese in waxed paper! Not plastic.

GK: You stop strangers on the street.

SS: Do you have a minute to talk about cheese storage? (TRAFFIC)

GK: And that week you read another story in the paper.

SS: "A new study says that cheese should only be stored in handmade pots, never in plastic or waxed paper. And the study shows that people who eat cheese that's stored in handmade pots are 37% less likely to develop knackers.” Huh.

GK: All of your work in behalf of proper cheese storage was in vain.

SS: Wasted. Utterly wasted.
GK: Your family developed knackers anyway. Because you failed to do the right thing.

SS: I tried. I did my best.

GK: But you failed.

SS: What can I do?

GK: Escape. Run away.

SS: When?

GK: Now.

SS: Where?

GK: Doesn't matter. Call ETA, Emergency Travel Agents. And just say—

SS: Get me out of here.

GK: And off you go at last-minute bargain rates — $130 round trip to Kathmandu. (GONG) A hundred fifty-five dollars to Peru. (SHEEP) Two hundred roundtrip to Provence. (TR FRENCH) Fifty-five dollars to Tromso, Norway. (NORSK) Three-hundred to the Fiji Islands. (SURF, GULLS) Sometimes you just need to get out of town.

TR (WILLIE): Get on the road again, just want to get on the road again.

R&L&GK: (SING) E. T. A. (SHIP HORN)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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