October 31, 2009
Bismarck Civic Center

Bismarck, ND

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Bats

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(MUSIC)

SS: Are you awake?

GK: Mmmhmm.

SS:  There's a bat in here.

GK: Where?

 (BAT FLIES OVER)
SS:  There.

GK: Wonder how it got in.

SS:   Wonder how it's going to get out.

GK:   Same way it got in, I suppose.

SS:   You expect the bat to leave on its own?

GK:  Well, he doesn't want to be in here anymore than we want him in here. He's got radar, he can find his way out—

(BAT FLIES CLOSE)

SS:  Maybe he flies for Northwest. Maybe he's busy with his laptop.
GK: Just take it easy. Bats don't bite, they don't do any harm whatsoever.

SS: If they don't do any harm whatsoever, why don't you grab a broom and make him leave?

GK: I don't want to get him all riled up.

SS:   You're afraid to deal with it.

GK: Well, feel free to handle it yourself. I don't see it as a male obligation to deal with other species. You're a big strong woman, let's see you deal with it.

SS:  There was a strange man who followed me in the grocery store today. He spoke with an accent. I was looking at the heirloom tomatoes and he came and stood very close to me and he said, “I know you want me. And I want you. So why don't we go away together tonight.”

GK: I don't believe you.

SS:  I don't care if you do or you don't— he was there. He bought a pound of sirloin and some beefsteak tomatoes and a can of tomato juice and I followed him outdoors into the parking lot.

GK: You what?

SS:  I felt myself in his power somehow. Just his glance — his eyes — they seemed to look right into me — he took my hand — his flesh was cold — he said, “Tonight, I will come, my darling. I will come and we will be united.” And then he spread his cape —

GK: His cape?

SS:  His enormous black cape — he was terrifying. And yet appealing to me in a way.

GK:  Appealing? You found him attractive?

SS:   I honestly did. Something trembled inside me. I was drawn to him, Chuck. Deeply drawn to him. And he said he'd come back and— I think he has.

GK: You do?
(BAT FLIES PAST. SHOTGUN BLAST)

SS: A gun?? But Chuck, you're a democrat.

GK: A North Dakota democrat. And I shot him.

SS:  I don't think you did.

GK: I shot him point blank.

SS: I can still hear his voice. He's saying, “Outdoors. On the
balcony.”

GK: But we have no balcony—

SS:  I'll find one somehow.

GK:  You're mad.

SS:   I'm in love.

GK:  Same thing. (BAT FLIES PAST, SHOTGUN BLAST)
Got him.

SS:   Good shot.

GK:  So you didn't really see a strange man in a cape today—

SS:   That's for me to know and you to find out. Kiss me, fool.
(A DEEP SULTRY LAUGH)

(INTO BAND TUNE)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

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