The Town Hall
New York City, NY«archive page
GK: …Brought to you by The Fearmonger’s shop, serving your phobia needs since 1947. We’re in New York in December because back in Minnesota, winter is starting to get serious --- the sky is dark gray and snow is falling---- (TR RADIO: …..and the forcast: snow continuing today and tonight and tomorrow and next week…..) ---- and snow is blowing (WIND) and children are lost in the blizzard (SS: Jeff??? Megan??? Sean???? ) (WOLF HOWLS) and that’s why so many people spend winter in Florida ---- fear of the Big Blizzard has driven them into a swamp (EXOTIC BIRDS) where poisonous snakes dangle from tree limbs (SNAKE) and psychotic hitchhikers wait in rest areas (BREATHING) and alligators roam the golf courses (SWING, CLICK, SPLASH ---- FN: My ball landed in that pond, Bob. I’ll just reach in here and ---- (BLOODTHIRSTY ROAR, No no no no------- RIP OF ARM. FN SHUDDER OF PAIN) ---- people go live in a swamp rather than endure winter (SFX) life becomes very grim (SLOW FOOTSTEPS IN DEEP SNOW, TR TO HIMSELF: Gotta survive. Gotta get meat. Gotta kill. Gotta feed my family. MEOW. PAUSE. C’mere, kitty. C’mere, Snowball. It’s me. Daddy. C’mere. MEOW.) ---- And you wish you’d paid more attention in Scouts to the talk on fire-building…. (FN: Okay, fellas, watch how I wrap the string around this stick and I spin it so it lights the tinder. See? SPINNING, DRILLING, BURST OF FLAME)
GK: Your inability to make fire troubles you.
TR: I can’t do it. I tried and I can’t.
SS: Can’t do what?
TR: I’m a Ph.D in physics and I can’t make a fire.
SS: You can make water.
TR: I can. But I can’t make fire. We could move to Florida but I doubt that I’d be able to defend my family against a charging alligator with my bare hands.
SS: I think you could — with that pair of commando boots from the Fearmonger’s shop.
TR: Commando boots?
GK: Commando boots come with flame-throwers in the toes. You just stamp your feet three times and (STAMPS, FLAME BURST) a pillar of fire 20 feet long scorches anything in its way. And it lights fires.
TR: With my commando boots, I feel capable of handling any situation — wild gator or big blizzard (STAMPS, FLAME BURST)
GK: ...from the Fearmonger’s Shop...
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).