Psychic

GK: After this message from Evelyn Lundberg, Lutheran Psychic. Other psychics are going to tell you what they think you want to hear, and you know it — they look into their crystal ball and see a new romance and a long ocean voyage and wealth and happiness. Evelyn Lundberg is no fool. She looks into a clear bowl of orange Jell-O and she lays it on the line. And the first psychic reading is absolutely free.

SS: I see somebody who's not trying hard enough. Just coasting along, trying to make it on your good looks. Well, take it from me, that's not going to work.

I see someone whose parents gave you good advice and you listened to them and then you disregarded everything they told you. Just blew em off like they were used Kleenex.

I see someone who doesn't have regular mealtimes, who just grabs whatever's available and eats willy-nilly and do you bow your head and close your eyes and give thanks for the food, no you do not.

I see someone who's got a good brain and isn't using it.Someone who's hanging out with a bunch of losers and spongers and if you think that none of that is going to rub off on you, you've got another think coming.

SS: I see someone who paid five dollars to have me tell you your fortune and now you're going to walk away and just do whatever you want anyway, so why am I wasting my breath? Huh? Why? Here's your five bucks. I don't want it. You're gonna need it more than I do.

GK: First session is always free at Evelyn Lundberg Lutheran Psychic. In the Mission District, under the sign of the fish.