January 23, 2010
Mayo Civic Center

Rochester, MN

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The Lives of the Cowboys

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(WESTERN THEME)

SS: THE LIVES OF THE COWBOYS....brought to you by Trailblazer Table Napkins...they're strong and they can stand up to anything (NOSE HONK)....and now, here's today's
exciting adventure.....

(HOSPITAL AMBIENCE, QUIET VOICES)

GK: Kinda quiet around this hospital.

TR: Yep. Hospitals generally are.

GK: I suppose. I don't know why. Quiet just makes a person uneasy. You start to worry and get anxious and pretty soon you're sicker than you would've been if you hadn't thought about it so hard.

TR: You feeling uneasy?

GK: Nope.

TR: I would if I were you.

GK: You're not me so don't worry about it.

SS (ON PAGE): Dr. Armbruster, pick up a white courtesy phone. Dr. Ambruster.
(PAUSE)

TR: What time is your appointment?

GK: In a few minutes.

TR: You tell ‘em about your seizures?

GK: Nope.

TR: Why not?

GK: Cause they weren't seizures. I had a momentary case of the yips.

TR: The yips!!!

GK: Also known as aggravated conniptions.

TR: Seizures is what I'd call it.

GK: It was the yips. Seizures is when you can't get up afterward. With yips, you can.

TR: Seizures.

GK: Yips.

TR: Whatever. But next time, don't expect me to pick you up and put you back in the saddle and take you to town and watch over you because I ain't gonna do it.

GK: Good. I wouldn't want you to.

TR: You have a seizure out on the trail, you are on your own.

GK: Good.

TR: Let the coyotes chew on you.

GK: It's a deal.

(FOOTSTEPS)

TK: (JOWLY GIBBERISH, SOLEMN ANNOUNCEMENT)

TR: Who're you?

TK (JOWLY GIBBERISH EXPLANATION)

TR: You mind saying that a little more clearly?

TK (JOWLY GIBBERISH, SLOWER)

(FOOTSTEPS)

SS: Mr. Lefty? I'm Doctor Beach. And this is our chief of neurology, Dr. Sprechen.
TK (JOWLY GREETING)

SS: We've looked at the MRIs and now I'd like to give you a simple neurological examination, if I may.

GK: Okay.

SS: Turn your head and spit into that wastebasket. (GK HAWK AND SPIT. PAUSE. DISTANT DING) And now the other basket over there. (GK HAWK AND SPIT, PAUSE. DISTANT THWOP) Very good. And now if you could look at the ceiling and yodel for me, please. (GK YODELS) Very good. And now, if you'll just put your right elbow on the table and take my hand, I'm going to arm-wrestle you, okay? Here we go. One. Two. Three. (THEY STRAIN FOR A FEW SECONDS, THEN GK IS PINNED) Excellent. You okay? I didn't hurt you, did I? Good. And now if you'll stand right there I'd like you to dance.

GK: Dance?

SS: Dance. (GUNSHOTS) Dance! (DANCING FEET, GUNSHOTS) Very good, thank you. So— Dr. Sprechen, what do you think?

TK (JOWLY EXPLANATION, AT SOME LENGTH. CLEARS THROAT. MORE JOWLY GIBBERISH)

SS: Dr. Sprechen and I both feel that you've recovered very nicely from your conniptions and now you've got to take a few precautions.
GK: What are those?

SS: You've got to cut down on heavy lifting. You strain to lift something and you could have another bad spell.

GK: You hear that, Dusty?

SS: We think that you need a week of rest so we're keeping you here in St. Mary's.

GK: But my horses are tied up outside— the herd is waiting —

SS: You're going to stay here for observation.

GK: Dusty?

TR: I heard you. I'm on my way. (FOOTSTEPS OUT) Good luck with the seizures—

GK: What else?

TK (JOWLY GIBBERISH)

SS: Dr. Sprechen says you've got to limit your intake of green leafy vegetables.

GK: Not a problem when you're herding cattle, ma'am. By the time we get there, the green leafy vegetation is not so appealing.

SS: Good. Any questions?
GK: I've got a sort of a personal question—

SS: What is it, Mr. Lefty?

GK: Was this caused by what I think it was caused by?

SS: Yes, it was.

GK: Oh. Does that mean I've got to — you know—

SS: Stop? I don't know. That's up to you.

GK: Don't know as I could stop, ma'am. Awful lonely out on the trail.

SS: I'm sure.

GK: Never expected to run into her when I did. But there she was by the side of the road.

SS: I imagine you were excited and the excitement put a strain on your system.

GK: She looked at me and I looked at her and — I don't know why I never got her name — she's out there somewhere and I'll never find her again. She's gone. Lives in some place that ends with O — Ohio or Reno, Lake Tahoe, Fresno, Oslo — I don't know where—

AS: Fargo.
GK: It's you.

AS: I heard you were sick. I drove all night to get here.

GK: I'm so glad to see you.

SS: Dr. Sprechen and I will leave you two alone now. (TK MUTTERING)

GK: I've been thinking about you.

AS: They said you fell off your horse and lay on the ground talking a blue streak of things that made no sense.

GK: Made no sense to them, I guess, but everything makes perfect sense to me ever since I met you.

AS: I like that song we were singing at Tahoe.

GK: Was it Tahoe or was it Orlando? Well, doesn't matter.
(HE STRUMS)


GK (SINGS):

Darling I have come to tell you
You have taken o'er my heart
Now I say goodbye to Frisco
As our lifelong journey starts.

(Chorus)
Though the road looks rough and rocky
Cross the prairie far and wide
But I'm not afraid, my darling
If you'll travel by my side

I can hear the night birds crying
As we drive the long highway
And I wonder what you're thinking
On our blessed wedding day.

Chorus:
AS:

Darling, I'm afraid to tell you
As we sing a sweet duet
I'm in love with another
From the day before we met.

One more kiss and then I'll leave you
One more chorus ere we part
I can see I've caused you trouble
Darling I have broke your heart

DUET:

Don't this road look rough and rocky
Don't the sea look wide and deep
Don't my baby look the sweetest
When she's in my arms asleep.

(THEME)

SS: THE LIVES OF THE COWBOYS......brought to you by Harlequin Hog Jowls — the chewy snack that takes your mind off your troubles — reach for Harlequin Hog Jowls — and they contain valuable nutrients. (MUSIC OUT)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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