February 20, 2010
The Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN

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Larry

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GK: Today is our last show of the season here at the Fitzgerald Theater and there's a Chinese gong around here that I want to make sure they put on the truck and so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to (CREAK OF DOOR OPENING) open up this trapdoor and go down this narrow staircase (CLICKS OF LIGHT SWITCH)...darn, the light's burned out again...somebody said they were going to replace that — oh well, I can feel my way down (HESITANT STEPS ON STAIRS, CREAK OF BOARDS) — ought to replace these stairs — somebody could — (STOP) whoaaaaa — almost did — (STEPS) we keep some of our old sound effects down here — like this contraption here (MARCHING FEET) — and that Chinese gong must be around here somewhere — we used to keep LP records down here, back when there were LP records, and —

TK (LARRY): I still have LP records down here.

GK: Larry?

TK: Hi.

GK: Larry, I thought you moved out of here years ago.

TK: I was going to but I like it here.

GK: But we found you an apartment in a nice new building in
St. Paul.

TK: I know. I didn't like it.

GK: It was a nice apartment.

TK: It was in a building for misfits.

GK: Who told you that?

TK: There was a sign out front: The Residence for Misfits.

GK: I didn't notice that.

TK: It said, “If you lived here, you'd be home now. But you'd still be a misfit.”

GK: So you didn't like it.

TK: In the building for misfits, I'd have to talk to a counselor. And they all say the same thing. They say you can get better if do what we say. But I don't want to get better. I want to be myself.

GK: Larry, I don't think this is a good long-term plan, living
down here under the stage.

TK: I like it. It's quiet down here. Especially during your show, it's very quiet. I hate dance performances. Those feet pounding up there. I sit down here with this loaded shotgun in my lap and I get so angry. Extremely angry. But your show is very quiet. Extremely quiet. What do you do up there?

GK: Never mind. Larry, I'm looking for that big Chinese gong that's down here.

TK: Oh, right. I saw that the other day. I used it to scare off the
bats. And the mice.

GK: Bats and mice? (BATS FLY BY) Whoa...you've got bats all right.

TK: Yeah, that gong didn't help.

GK: What happened?

TK: It disoriented their bat radar so now they fly into things. Fly right into your face if you're not careful. (BATS FLY BY)

GK: You know, maybe I'll forget about that Chinese gong.

TK: We used to be friends, you and me. I used to give youy answers on tests. You still owe me money.

GK: I paid you back, Larry.

TK: No, I figured out that you owed me more than I thought.

GK: For what?

TK: For advice I gave you. You owe me a consulting fee.

GK: What advice?

TK: I advised you not to start this show.

GK: So? And?

TK: I was right.

GK: I don't think so.

TK: You'll see.

GK: You ought to come up and see the show sometime.

TK: Right. Sure.

GK: Come up and join us? huh?

TK: Too many people. I don't like it. I like it down here. I like it. I've got my LPs down here. Listen. (HE PUTS LP ON TURNTABLE) (NEEDLE ON LP)

SS (SINGS A LA GLORIA SWANSON):

Love, your magic spell is everywhere
Love, I know you well and found you fair
Then you left me and my life's at fate
Now I ask is it too late

Love your melody is in the air
Yet I call you and you are not there
Come here is my heart, my soul to mate
Make me forget the voice that whispers “WAIT”

TK: People say I'm weird. I'm not weird. - I like to be alone, that's all. - What's wrong with being alone?

GK: Nothing, Larry.

TK: People think I'm weird for wanting to be alone. They don't know. How can they know? They're not here when I'm alone.They don't know.

GK: Easy, Lar.

TK: It makes me so mad when people think that. What do they know?

GK: Larry, you just do whatever you need to do, fella. (GONG)
TK: I found your gong. (BATS FLY BY) Dang it, I'm sick of bats. (SHOTGUN BLASTS) (BATS) (SHOTGUN, RICOCHETS OFF GONG).

GK: Easy, Larry. (BATS, SHOTGUN) Larry, I'm leaving now. I'm going, Larry. (GONG, BATS) Bye, Larry. (FAST FOOTSTEPS UP STAIRS, LOWER TRAPDOOR. SERIES OF LOCKS) There. Good. Just remind me to cut that out of the tape so it isn't on the broadcast. No sense in embarrassing Larry.

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