The Town Hall
New York, NY«archive page
The Lives of the Cowboys
SS: The Lives of the Cowboys… brought to you by Charlie’s Black Licorice Chaw, nicotine free and when you spit, it really makes your mark (SPIT, DING)…Eewww, and now, today’s story.
GK: New York City, Dusty. Beautiful spring day. And us with a hundred head of sheep here in the Sheep Meadow in Central Park.
TR: What an ignominious fate for cowboys. Pushing a herd of woolies around. ---- Move it, fatso. (SHEEP PANIC)
GK: Well…..wool is what New Yorkers want, Dusty. Lightweight wool. And we’ve got a hundred free-range organic lightweight sheep. And they’re black sheep, which is more valuable.
TR: What’s wrong with white?
GK: Well, a lot of New Yorkers are here because they weren’t wanted back where they come from. And black is what’s stylish, Dusty.
TR: How do you know that?
GK: Look around you. See any green plaid suits? Any red polka dots? No. Black. I don’t know why they call it the Big Apple, it’s more like the Big Eggplant.
TR: I’m just saying that if you think that black is what’s hip, then probably its not. I mean, we’ve been out on the godforsaken prairie for lo these many years, eating dust, our only social skills whatever we’ve gained by hanging out with drunks and dancehall floozies. Not exactly arbiters of taste, if you know what I mean.
GK: Lighten up, Dusty. Beautiful blue sky. And those apartment buildings surrounding Central Park ---- don’t they remind you of the jagged peaks of a western mountain range…
TR: No, they don’t. They just remind me that I’ll never be able to afford to live there. When does the buyer come and get these sheep off our hands?
GK: Said he’d be here about now. (HORSE APPROACHING, HOOVES, CARRIAGE) Looky there, Dusty. Horse-drawn carriages in New York City. And that one is stopping. (DRIVER WHOA, WAGON STOPS, HORSE CHUFF)
TR: I’m gonna go get me a drink.
GK: Don’t leave me alone, we’ve got a visitor.
TR: You take care of it. Bye.
GK: A little guy in a natty blue suit. (FOOTSTEPS APPROACH, SHEEP)
TR (BLOOMBERG): Good afternoon. I see you have just arrived in our city and I’ve come to give you a personal welcome.
GK: Thank you Mr…
TR (BLOOMBERG) Mr. Mayor, Mike Bloomberg. I take it you are shooting a movie with these sheep.
GK: Yes, sir, Mr. Mayor.
TR (BLOOMBERG): Just a reminder that you must pick up after your sheep with a plastic bag. It’s a city ordnance.
GK: Yes sir.
TR (BLOOMBERG): And welcome to New York. And if you see something, say something.
GK: I donno. If I said something everytime I saw something ----- I can’t talk that fast.
TR (BLOOMBERG): Well, just do your best. You know, my favorite movies are musicals.
GK: That’s what this one is. A musical. (STRUM) (SINGS
I’ve come to New York to look at Times Square
And the big neon signs up high in the air
I ride down the canyons of steel and concrete
And here’s what I say to the people I meet.
Whoopitiyiyo, git a long New Yorkers
I sing this song so you know how I feel
Whoopitiyiyo, git along New Yorkers
Could you spare me some change so I can get me a meal?
TR (BLOOMBERG): That was very nice and here’s a dollar for you. And don’t forget about the plastic bags.
GK: Quite a city. (SHEEP) But summer is coming and these sheep are getting hot. (SHEEP) I’m gonna have to take them in to a hair salon pretty soon……
TR (APPROACHING): (ITALIAN)
GK: Mr. Armani?
TR (ITALIAN APPRECIATION OF SHEEP)
GK: I know they look a little bedraggled but a shave and a haircut and a bath and they’ll be just fine.
TR (ITALIAN COMMAND TO SHEEP) (SHEEP MOVE OFF)
SS: Hi there.
SS: Are you making a movie?
GK: I was.
SS: It’s over?
SS: Oh. Too bad.
GK: You’re an actress?
SS: Yes. How could you tell?
GK: You’re very intense.
SS: Thank you.
GK: But I hope to be making another movie soon.
SS: Oh. What sort of movie?
GK: A romantic movie.
SS: Oh. A romantic comedy?
GK: I don’t need the comedy part. Just the romance.
GK: I hope so.
SS: The Lives of the Cowboys, brought to you by Zabar Brand Bar-Be-Que Briquettes, They’ll toast your bagels in no time at all
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).