May 8, 2010
The Town Hall

New York, NY

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Motherhood

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(PIANO LINE)

GK: Motherhood has changed over the years­—

SS: I’m just not sure my self-esteem issues have been resolved to the point where I can meet the emotional needs of a child and I know it’s been 18 years since we got married but I don’t think that you and I have achieved the sort of openness in our relationship that we need in order to make this decision.
TR: That’s okay. No rush. It’s up to you.
SS: I Just want to be completely ready.
TR: Fine.
(PIANO CHORDS)

GK: It used to be more cut and dried ­—

SS: Ben?

TR: Yeah.

SS: Saw the doctor today.

TR: Oh?

SS: Guess what?

TR: Really?

SS: Yep.

TR: He’s sure?

SS: Yep.

TR: Huh.

SS: So what do you think?

TR: Think you and I better get married.

(PIANO)

GK: Now the delivery of the child takes a whole team of highly trained professionals—

ER: Mr. Carlisle?

TR: Yes?

ER: I’m Acacia and I’m going to be your midwife today — Bree can’t be here — she has tai chi —

TR: Is Sally okay?

ER: She’s doing beautifully. She’s in the salt water tank right now. I’d like you to meet your monk Nam Van Truong who will be chanting today— (FN BUDDHIST CHANTING) and I’d like you to meet your dolphin, Frisky (DOLPHIN) — he’ll be in the water with Sally.

TR: Okay. Nice.

ER: And can I get you anything to deepen the experience for you? would you like marijuana? A glass of red wine? Maybe some beta blockers?

TR: No, thanks.

ER: Okay, so if you’ll just remove your clothing, you’ll be getting into the pool with Sally and Frisky. (DOLPHIN)

TR: You know, I think I will have that glass of red wine.

ER: Good. I have a Cabernet, very muscular, very manly, with a big bouquet that opens up to wonderful overtones of plums and raisins and daffodils…..or I have a Barolo (FADES) that is sensitive but strong, with a large presence of tannins and endorphins……. (PIANO)

GK: Back in the day, delivery was simple—

(BIG BOOTS STRIDE ACROSS FLOOR) (SS CRY OF PAIN, OFF)
FN (SLIGHTLY DRUNK): That your wife in there?

TR: Yessir.

FN: I’m Doctor Mahoney. You can call me Bud. You wouldn’t happen to have a bottle of bourbon, wouldja?

TR: Yessir.

FN: Good. How far apart are the contractions?

TR: Not very far.

FN: Got plenty of time. Get me a glass. No ice.

TR: Aren’t you a veterinarian?

FN: Do both. Yeah. I do both. Any sort of mammal. I’m a mammologist. (POURING) Care for a drink?

TR: No, sir. (SS CRY OF PAIN, OFF)

FN: You don’t keep guns in that room, do you?

TR: In the bedroom?

FN: She doesn’t have a gun, does she?

TR: Nope.

FN: Good. Hey, how you doin? (SS DEEP MOAN) You’re doing great! —How about poker? Care for a game of five-card stud? I’ll deal. (DEALING)

(PIANO)

GK: Now your child’s birth is a festive occasion—

(DOLPHIN, CHANTING, WATER)

ER: This is so beautiful. How do you feel?

SS: (MOAN)

ER: You look beautiful. The baby’s head is showing so your camera crew is coming in for the closeup now……

SS: (MOAN)

ER: You’re doing great, Sally. Don’t push too hard. Let the baby emerge. Let him find his own space. Just be buoyant. Think lightness. (CHANTING)

SS (MOAN)

ER: Okay, Frisky is going to lift you up on his back now. (DOLPHIN) Don’t push. Let it happen. Let the baby go free.

(PIANO CHORDS)
GK: So different from how it used to be—

SS (BIG DEEP GRUNT) (BIG SLAP) (BABY CRY)

TR: It’s a girl, Elizabeth. ‘Nother girl. Isn’t that a girl, Doctor?

FN (DRUNK): I think so.

TR: Where you goin, Elizabeth? Don’t get up— baby’s hanging by the cord.

SS: Gotta finish picking them potatoes, Ben. Time’s a wastin’.

TR: You can’t get up right from having a baby, Elizabeth—

SS: Gotta get them potatoes in. And clean this bedroom floor. Look at it. It’s a mess. Blood and goodness knows what— Git me a mop. Did you pay the doctor?

TR: Here you go, Doc. (CHICKEN) Thanks for your help.

FN: Not a problem. And don’t forget you owe me for the last one too— (PIG) Thanks.

(PIANO)

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