May 22, 2010
The Fox Theatre

Atlanta, GA

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Dermatologist

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(ORGAN)

TR (ANNC): And now, Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow Family of Automotive Products brings you— Larry Murchison, Emergency Dermatologist.

(WALKING THROUGH DENSE WOODS, OWL HOOTS)

SS: The bugs are coming out, Dr. Murchison. (MOSQUITOS, SLAP)
Maybe it’s time to call it a day.

GK:; No, Maureen.; There’s a couple old-timers out here suffering from the heartbreak of psoriasis and we’re going to find them.

SS:; But we’ve been searching for six hours, Dr. Murchison—

GK:; And we’ll keep going.;

SS: But Dr. Murchison—

GK: What do people need clear skin for seeing as how they live in the forest where nobody can see them anyway? — is that what you’re wondering?;

(MOSQUITOS, SLAP)

SS: Yes, sir…

GK: Self-esteem is a fundamental human need, Maureen, whether you live with others or not. A sense of being attractive and desirable. The skin is the largest organ of the body, covering the entire body.

SS: I realize that, sir.

GK: It’s the outer protective covering of the body, and it’s exposed to the environment, making it vulnerable to growths, rashes, discoloration, cysts, burns, injuries, infections, and other disorders.

SS: I know, sir. But you gave up a lucrative practice in the city doing chemical peels, dermabrasion, dermaplaning, and laser skin surgery for wealthy mature women. You had it made. And you gave it up for this— (MOSQUITO, SLAP)

GK: Put som eantiseptic ointment on that mosquito bite, Maureen.

SS (BREATHLESS):; Oh, Dr. Murchison—you looked at me.

GK: Of course I looked at you.

(HEARTBEAT)

SS (BREATHLESS):; You never looked at me before…….at my skin…….

GK: I’ve looked at you more than you may think I have, Maureen. But let’s press on and find that old-timer out here— I hear he’s practically crazed from itching —

SS: Look at me again.

GK:; I’ll go all night if I have to, Maureen.; Dermatologists have stamina…..I don’t know if you know that.

SS:; I do.

GK:; We have the staying power; to get in until the job is done.;

SS: —when I told you I loved you, Dr. Murchison.; Well.; I feel foolish. I don’t know what got into me.

GK:; I can smell her fear.; She must be close.;;;

SS:; I threw myself at you like a sparrow into a plate glass window. I’m ashamed, Dr. Murchison.; And I want to apologize.

GK: We’re flying in the dark here, Maureen.; We’re going on instinct.

SS:; So you’re not…mad at me? You’re not…disgusted and ashamed and filled with remorse and—

FN: (CRAZED GIBBERISH)

GK: There he is, Maureen. Look at him. Wild-eyed, out of his mind, all because of a minor skin irritation. He’s on the verge of doing harm to himself. Hand me the blowgun— I’m going to have to anesthetize him from a distance.

SS: Blowgun— with morphine dart.

GK: Thanks. (BLOW, DART HITS. FN CRAZED ROAR, THEN SETTLES DOWN INTO SLEEP) Got him. We’ve got to move fast. — You brought the antibacterial hand gel?

SS:; Right here.

(SPLORT, RUBBING IN)

GK:; Dermabrasion; set.

SS:; Here you go doctor.; (CLINK OF TOOLS)

(WHINE OF ENGINE)

GK:; Got to go a little deeper.

SS (BREATHLESS):; Oh Dr. Murchison. It’s amazing to see you work in the dark like this.

GK: Irrigant, please.

(WATER SPRAY)

GK:; Suction please.

(SUCTION NOISES)

SS (BREATHLESS):; Good.; Very good.; Oh you’re getting it Dr. Murchison.

GK:; Ultrasonic abrader.

SS: Ultrasonic.

(ULTRASONIC DRILL)

GK:; Almost done.; A little touch of plastic. (SPRAY SPRAY).; Suction please.

(SUCTION)

GK:; There.; We’re finished.;

SS:; We are?; I couldn’t tell, it’s so dark…….

GK: Good work, Maureen.; Pack it up.
SS (DISAPPOINTED):; Oh.; Okay.

GK:; We’ll sit with him while he wakes up, and we’ll head back to camp.

(CRICKETS CHIRP)

GK:; Are you there, Maureen?

SS:; I’m right here.

GK:; I can’t see you.

SS:; I’m right beside you, Dr. Murchison. I’m always right beside you.

GK:; Oh.; Okay.

(A BEAT, OWL HOOTS, CRICKETS)

SS:; I suppose I should put these instruments in the autoclave.

GK:; I suppose you should.

(A BEAT, CRICKETS CHIRP)

SS:; What do you think about…women, Dr. Murchison?

GK:; What do you mean?
SS:; I mean,; you spend all your time thinking about these old hermits and bachelors out in the woods.; But what about women?; We have skin too. Skin covering our entire bodies.

GK: I’m sure that’s so.

SS: Touch me.

GK:; I don’t want to.

SS:; Touch me.

GK:; Don’t be silly, Maureen.; We’ve got to load out of here.

SS:; Touch me, Dr. Murchison.;

GK (CLOSE): You sound like you’re very close to me, Maureen.

SS (CLOSE):; Am I?

(FN STIRS)

GK (CLOSE):; It’s like you’re millimeters away.;

SS (CLOSE):; Close.

GK (CLOSE): He’s coming to, Maureen.
SS: I wish I were.

GK: What?

SS: Never mind.

GK: You’re going to be just fine, sir. We’ve sanded away your eczema and that rash and those big suppurating sores and we smoothed out your skin a little and I’m going to give you some cream to put on that—

SS: Look in the mirror, sir. Here’s a light. (MATCH)

FN: WOW. Oh my gosh. Unbelievable.

SS: You like it, sir?

FN: I’m beautiful. How did you do that?

SS: He did it— Doctor Murchison— where he is? Dr. Murchison????

FN SINGS LOVE SONG

SS: Dr. Murchison???? Doctor????
(ORGAN)

TR (ANNC):; The adventures of Larry Murchison, Emergency Dermatologist, was brought to you by the Rainbow Family of Automotive Products.
(ORGAN OUT)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

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Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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