June 5, 2010
Santa Barbara Bowl

Santa Barbara, CA

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Dermatologist

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(ORGAN)

TR (ANNC): coming up later on many of these radio stations,  Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow Family of automotive products brings you:  Dave Underwood, Underwater Dermatologist.

(CRIES OF GULLS, DISTANT BOAT HORN)

SS:  The sun’s going down, Dr. Underwood.  And our oxygen tanks are nearly empty. I’m afraid we’re going to have to leave that dolphin for another time. 

GK:  We still have fifteen minutes of oxygen left, Maureen.  And that dolphin is in need of professional skin care. The reason I gave up my lucrative practice doing lid lifts and Botox for aging TV stars and took up veterinary dermatology was that I care, Maureen.  .

SS:  Sometimes I think you care too much, Dr. Underwood. 

GK: What is that supposed to mean, Maureen?

SS:  We can’t play God, Doctor.


GK:  Today, Maureen, we treated three sea turtles for eczema. And a squid with cystic acne.  A killer whale with hives. And now we’re after a dolphin with psoriasis.  We’re going down, Maureen. C’mon, let’s go.  (DIVE, BUBBLES, SCUBA)
 

GK (THROUGH MASK): Remember, dolphins can be playful, Maureen. They’re likely to remove your bikini if you’re not careful. 

SS (THROUGH MASK):  I wish somebody would, Dr. Underwood.

GK (THROUGH MASK):  What was that? I can’t hear you.

SS (THROUGH MASK):  I asked if that buoy is wood……

GK (THROUGH MASK):   Come on Maureen.   Let’s find that dolphin and deal with his psoriasis. He’s probably lurking around this pier.

SS (THROUGH MASK):  What do you treat psoriasis with? 

GK (THROUGH MASK):  We give him a shot of thyrotrophin to stimulate endorphins and apply paraffin to the psoriasis and peel it off.
SS (THROUGH MASK): I didn’t know dolphins have endorphins.

GK (THROUGH MASK): We all do, Maureen. It’s one thing that makes us feel good.

SS (THROUGH MASK):  I know of another, Dr. Underwood.

GK (THROUGH MASK):  What was that?

SS (THROUGH MASK):  Do puffins have endorphins? Or bluefins?

GK (THROUGH MASK): I don’t believe so.  Look Maureen—there he is. Grab his fin, would you. (DOLPHIN) Easy, boy. Easy. Got him?

SS (THROUGH MASK): I think so. I don’t know what I’m holding onto, though. Is it some sort of fin? 

(DOLPHIN)

SS (THROUGH MASK):  Hey----- get your beak out of there----

(DOLPHIN)
GK (THROUGH MASK):  Anesthetic ointment please.  Just a little on my finger.  (SPLORT)  Perfect.  And hand me the hypodermic-----
(HEAVY BREATHING)

SS (THROUGH MASK):  Uh oh.  Dr. Underwood—I think my oxygen is out.  I’m feeling dizzy, and lightheaded.  (SEXY DOLPHIN)  Stop poking me.

GK (THROUGH MASK):  Come here, Maureen.  You’ll have to share my mask with me.  Here.  You can fit your head right in there. Next to my head.

SS (THROUGH MASK): But  Doctor----

GK (THROUGH MASK):  We’ll make it work, Maureen.  Quick.  But don’t let go of the dolphin. (DOLPHIN) 

SS (THROGH MASK):  Well….okay.

(SUCTION, POP)

SS (CLOSE):  Hello.

GK (CLOSE):  Hello.

SS (CLOSE):  Are you sure you can work like this?

GK (CLOSE):  Sure.

SS (CLOSE):  I’m not in your way, am I?

GK (CLOSE):  No, I’m fine.

SS (CLOSE):  You have beautiful eyes. ---- I am very lightheaded.

(BUBBLES)

GK (CLOSE):  The dolphin, Maureen.  Try to focus.

SS (CLOSE):  Kiss me.

GK (CLOSE): Maureen, you don’t really mean this. It’s not love, it’s lack of oxygen.

(DOLPHIN LAUGHING)

GK (CLOSE): Now I’m afraid you’ve used up my oxygen. I’m feeling light-headed too. What are you doing? (DOLPHIN) You evil beast---- No. No.

SS (CLOSE): Oh Doctor. Oh---------

(ORGAN OUT)

TR (ANNC): That’s coming up later on Dave Underwood, Underwater Dermatologist. On many of these stations.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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