June 19, 2010
Blossom Music Center

Cuyahoga Falls, OH

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Wildlife

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(ORGAN)

TR (ANNC): And now, Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow family of automotive products brings you: Brett Caraway, Wildlife Opthamologist.

(ORGAN)

SS: The patient’s breathing is steady, Doctor. Blood pressure’s good.

GK: Good. I wasn’t sure the hypodermic with the anesthesia hit him deep enough when I fired the dart gun, but I guess we’re okay, Maureen..

SS: Who knew that one day we’d be able to do Lasik surgery on timber wolves? Perform precison surgery in the forest on the eyeballs of a carnivore—...and your hands---- they’re so graceful. Beautiful, even. (WOLF SNORE)

GK: Suction please. A little dust in the cornea there.

SS: Here. (QUICK SUCTION) Got it.


GK: Lasik was a real breakthrough for wolves. Attempts by wildlife opticians to fit them with glasses never worked out. Wolves wearing glasses were picked on mercilessly by others in the pack. Nerd wolves do not succeed in the wild. Myopia makes them vulnerable. And that’s one thing an alpha male cannot be.

SS: You have so much empathy----

GK: Yes. Well, I think of myself as a sort of wolf sometimes, Maureen. (SNORING)

SS: I can see it. In your eyes. A sort of yellowish tinge--

(LIGHT SCRAPING) (METAL INSTRUMENTS)

SS: You’re so passionate about your work---

GK: Well, a nearsighted alpha male is a sad thing. It throws off the entire wolf social system, having a near-sighted alpha male. Females don’t want to breed with him.

SS: Oh? Really----- (WOLF SNORE)

GK: A wolf this nearsighted would appear weak and pifitul to a female and she wouldn’t want to be anywhere near him. But this procedure will change that.

SS: Sounds very lonely, Dr. Carraway.

GK: I’m sure it can be.

SS: I meant for you. Dr. Carraway. Do you get lonely? Do you ever want someone around? Like a female? For companionship. For love.

GK: I’m not sure what you’re saying-----.

SS: You’re an alpha male, Dr. Carraway. I’m saying---

(DEEP WOLF SNORT)

GK: Ah! He’s waking up.

SS: Are you okay, Dr. Carraway?

GK: I seem to have a dust mote in my eye.

SS: Let me see—

GK: The left eye.

SS (SOFT): Let me get it out.

GK: It’s okay Maureen. I’ll handle it.

SS (SOFT): Just hold still, Dr. Carraway. Okay. I can see it. I’ll just use a Q-tip. Hold still.

(GROWLING WOLF)
GK: He’s standing up-----

SS (SOFT): Be still----I need to bathe the eye with a light saline solition to wash the dust out.

GK: We don’t have a saline solution with us, Maureen.

SS: I do. They’re called tears.

GK: You’re putting your face down next to mine----

SS: I’m going to cry into your eyes.

GK: How are you going to produce tears?

SS: Tell me you don’t love me, Dr. Carraway-----

(WOLF)

GK: I don’t love you.

SS: Say it like you mean it.

GK: I don’t love you. Not at all.

SS (BREATHLESS): I don’t believe you. How about I take this hypodermic out of the dart gun, Doctor---- (SNAP)

GK: Maureen, don’t---- not the anesthesia-----

SS: And poke it into your shoulder. (POP) There. That’ll relax you.

GK: Maureen----

SS: You’re attracted to me, aren’t you? You big wolf you. You’ve always had a thing for me, haven’t you?

GK: Maureen----

(WOLF GROWL)

SS: Oh boy. What to do now? Doctor---- the wolf seems very irritated that you stuck a knife in his eye----

(WOLF HOWL)

SS: I’m going to let you two guys work this out between you. Bye.

(ORGAN)

TR (ANNC): Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow family of automotive products has brought you: Brett Caraway, Wildlife Opthamologist.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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