June 26, 2010
Koussevitzky Music Shed, Tanglewood Music Festival

Lenox, MA

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The Lives of the Cowboys

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(WESTERN THEME)

SS: THE LIVES OF THE COWBOYS....brought to you by Manly Man Laundry Detergent....it comes with pumice, to remove difficult
stains caused by gunfights.........

(HORSES' HOOVES, SLOW WALK, WHINNIES)

GK: Almost there, Dusty.

TR: Uh huh. I’ve been “almost there” for most of my life. Starting to give up on it.

GK: Almost to Tanglewood.

TR: We been on the road so long I forgot why we’re going there.

GK: Well, it’s a music camp and they invited me to come lead the singing around the evening campfire.. Guess they want a cowboy.

TR: Huh. ------ So what’s that magazine you got there?


GK: This is the current issue of The Atlantic magazine, Dusty. Interesting cover story. “The End of Men” ---- says that man has been the dominant sex for centuries but now it’s changing and women are becoming dominant because thinking and communicating are more important than sheer physical strength and women are better at that, which of course we’ve always known.

TR: Well, isn’t that something. Huh. Women becoming dominant----

GK: A lot can happen when you’re not paying attention.

TR: Yep.

GK: When we left Cheyenne, man was still dominant and in the time it took us to get to the Berkshires, everything changed.

TR: Looks that way.

GK: Well, our gender had a good run while it lasted. We produced Shakespeare. Beethoven. Vincent van Gogh. Each one of em a man.

TR: Yep. Lincoln. Teddy Roosevelt. Willie Nelson.

GK: Moses. The apostles. All of em men. Plus the Big Guy.

TR: On the other hand, there was Joan of Arc and Julie Christie.
GK: That’s true. But we got Ted Williams.

TR: True. But he was no Martha Stewart.

GK: I guess not. Say, here’s someone here----- Excuse me. Ma’am?

SS: Yeah?

GK: We’re looking for the campfire.

SS: And?

GK: Just wonderin if you knew where that was.

SS: Is there a sign on my head that says Tourist Information? No, I don’t think so. You want directions, read the signs or else hire a guide. I’ve got plenty to do without helping people who can’t read a map. I’m not here to help the lost. Look around you. Pay attention.

GK: Sorry.

SS: Beat it. Git. (SHE CRACKS A BULLWHIP)

TR: Okay, we’re going. (GIDDYUPS, HORSE TROT)

GK: Powerful woman.

TR: Yep. Had no idea that was a bullwhip, I thought it was a jump rope.

GK: Maybe the campfire is up there in those trees-----

TR: I see some folks up there.

GK: Sun’s going down, I gotta start the singing pretty soon.

TR: Excuse me? Ma’am----

ER: What are you doing riding horses through the middle of Tanglewood? This iisn’t a dude ranch. It’s a music camp. Get it? And look behind you. See what you’ve dropped along the way? Huh? Those big brown things? We’ve been cleaning up after you people long enough. Here---- take these baggies and go back there and pick up every last one of them. Where were you born---- in a barn?

TR: We’re looking for the campfire----

ER: Get off the horses and clean up after yourselves.

GK: But I’m supposed to sing----

ER: I said, Off The Horse and start picking up horse poop.

TR: But the campfire----

ER: What part of Get Down Off The Horse don’t you understand? I want to see two guys on their two feet cleaning up their mess and I want that to happen now. Understand? Git! (GUNSHOTS) Git!
(HORSES RILED)

GK: Okay, okay, okay. Sorry to upset you. C’mon, Dusty. This way. (GIDDYUPS, HORSES TROT) We’ll head around this way. Around this hill where she can’t see us. Hey---- look.

TR: A fire.

GK: People around it, singing.

TR: We found it.

HM: I can sing contrapuntal music acapella and never lose track of the melody line
I can sing in 2/4, ¾, 7/8 or 8/9
I can sing jazz, opera, Renaissance, in German, French, or English so that every word is understood
And I am top dog, big cheese, Numero Uno, head honcho here at Tanglewood
'Cause I'm a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I'll say it again


AS: I can text on a cellphone as I drive my kids to their swim meets
And rearrange my calendar while sending out a couple dozen tweets

And change into a business suit as I am driving one-handed and watching out for cops
And calling my bank to trade a million dollars worth of credit default swaps

HM, AS, SS:

Cause I’m a woman! W-O-M-A-N, I'll say it again
I’m a woman. W-O-M-A-N.

SS: I belong to a gender that is on top now and totally hot
Because we have powerful social skills and the other gender totally does not
You guys were riding high and you had your moment but you blew it
And can we reproduce without your help? Yes, I say we can do it.

HM, AS, SS:
Cause we are woman! W-O-M-A-N, I'll say it again
Cause we are woman! W-O-M-A-N----
And you make me FEEL ……you make me FEEL ----you make me feel like a Tanglewood Woman------ Oh yeah------ (JAZZ CHORD)

GK: Sounds like maybe we’re not needed here, Dusty.

TR: I get that idea.

GK: Head down to the parking lot, I guess. (HORSES) Look at all those men sitting in their cars, waiting for their women.

TR: Chauffeurs.

GK: Husbands.

TR: Look---- buncha fellas sitting around in the weeds around a campfire.

GK: Looks like a hobo camp.

TR: They’re passing a jug of wine around =----- count me in.

FN (HOBO): Howdy, boys. Welcome to Tanglewood. How about a swig of wine?

GK: You fellas hoboes? This a hobo camp?

FN: This is an oboe camp. We used to be the wind section of the BSO.

GK: What happened?

FN: Women came in and blew us away.
GK: Happening all over, huh?

FN: Yep. (GURGLE) It’s all over for us men.

TR: Well, we had a good run.

FN: Yep. Lot of your top pianists were men. Emmanuel Ax. Vladimir Horowitz. Oscar Peterson.

GK: Some good male presidents.

TR: Some.

GK: Pole vaulters. Poets. Edgar Allan Poe.

TR: Yep. We had some good ones. Duke Ellington. Count Basie. Prince. B.B. King.

GK: Well, I guess we better head west, Dusty. Head for the dusty godforsaken plains where a man is still a man, huh?

TR: Who’s this?

ER: You.

GK: Me?


ER: Didn’t anybody ever teach you how to ride a horse? Look at you. Slumped over like that. You’re sitting all wrong. Your weight isn’t centered. Look at you. Get down off that horse before you break his back.

GK: I’ve been riding horses for thirty------

ER: And you’ve been riding them wrong. Get down. You too.

TR: You talking to me?

ER: You think I’m talking to the horse?

TR: Well-----

ER: Probably make more sense to----

GK: What are you trying to do-----

ER: Plus that you’re hearing-impaired. Get down off the horse. (SPIN REVOLVER-----)

GK: You better be careful with that pistol, young’un-----
(GUNSHOT)

TR: Okay, okay. (THEY DISMOUNT. HORSES WHINNY)


ER: Let me show you how to ride a horse. (SHE MOUNTS) See how you do it? You don’t park yourself in the saddle like a sack of potatoes. You sit up tall and proud. Watch.---- Giddup…… (WHOOP, HORSE GALLOPS AWAY)

TR: Now what?

GK: I guess we’re going to stay at Tanglewood for awhile.

TR: I saw an ad for the concession stand----

GK: Oh?

TR: They need a couple of vendors-----

GK: Well, I guess we could try it. (TIME PASSAGE CHORDS)

TR: Get your hummus and pita bread here. Fresh hummus. Hundred percent organic.

GK: I got apple juice, cranberry, smoothies, lattes and chai.

TR: Got a nice chilled Chardonnay, and a Mer-lot----

SS: Merloe----

TR: Merloe. And a Rose----

SS: Ros-ay.

(THEME)

SS: The Lives of the Cowboys……brought to you by Conquistadore Chainsaws. When your woods are all tangled, (CHAINSAW) clear them out pronto with a Conquistadore.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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