September 4, 2010
Minnesota State Fair

Saint Paul, MN

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Ketchup

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TR:  These are the good years for Barb and me.  Summer’s over, so we took the screens off the porch and put away the hammock and Barb got out her corduroys and they didn’t fit, and she went in the bathroom and weighed herself and I could hear it all the way in the kitchen.

SS: WHAT??? I DON’T BELIEVE IT. JIM!!!!!! TURN THE GAS ON IN THE OVEN. I’M GOING TO KILL MYSELF.

TR: Take it easy, Barb. We had a good summer. We enjoyed our new barbecue grill. We used our new ice-cream maker. We learned how to make beer at home.

SS:  Jim, I’ve gained thirty pounds!!!! Look at me.

TR: You look terrific.

SS: Put your glasses on.

TR: Oh. Right. Okay. ----- Oh. ----- Your fanny pack is on backwards, Barb.

SS:  That’s not a fannypack. It’s my gut. Look at me. Oh Jim, I’m going to have to skip the State Fair this year. All those deep-fried foods ---- Guess I’ll just stay home and drink green tea and eat broccoli. 

 

TR:  No need to beat up on yourself, Barb. Try these pills I got ----- made from the acacia berry ---- they can help you lose weight even as you chow down to your heart’s content.

SS: Jim, please-----

TR:  It’s a detoxifying formula that raises your metabolism and actually turns fat into vitamins.

SS:  Where did you get this?

TR: It works, Barb. It contains hormones from honey bees and it’s 100% natural and organic.

SS: Where did you get it?

TR: It cleans your arteries and you lose weight even on 10,000 calories a day.

SS:  You bought this at the state fair, didn’t you, Jim. You bought it from a man in a booth with a little microphone taped to his head and he was chopping up vegetables as he sold these tablets. Am I right?

TR: So I did--- so what?

SS:  A man with tattoos who talked a mile a minute and kept telling you to move in closer. How much did you pay for those pills?

TR:  Barb--- price is no object when it comes to personal health------

SS:  How much did you pay?

TR:  $189.99.

SS:  Jim. 

TR: It’s a months’ supply.

SS:  Listen to yourself, Jim.

TR: It’s a good deal. I think------

SS:  I don’t think you’re getting enough ketchup, Jim.

TR: Oh?

SS:  Ketchup contains natural mellowing agents that help you realize that there are no short cuts and what you sow, you’re going to reap. And I have. And now I’m going to have two stalks of celery and a bowl of low-cal cauliflower.


RD (SINGS):

These are the good times
The economy is fickle
Time to reconsider
The hammer and the sickle
Life is flowing
Like ketchup on a pickle.

GK:  Ketchup, for the good times.

RD:  Ketchup, ketchup. 

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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