October 9, 2010
Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN

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Glasses

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(MUSIC)
GK (SINGS):

Let's fly to Paris
Don't be embarrassed
I'll marry you there.
No one so fair as
You darling mon cher
Let's fly to Paris
Let's be a pair

GK: I am a very nearsighted person and I wear thick glasses that make my eyes look like a giant insect's which was a problem when I was 17 ------

SS (TEEN): You want to what? Go out with me? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Think what that would do to my reputation. Me---- going out with Bug Eyes. Ha. So long. (RUNNING FEET, AWAY)

GK: Fortunately I found a woman who was blind.

AS: Hi. You're tall, aren't you? I can tell by your voice. And this is my dog, Challenger. (PANTING) Do you mind if he sniffs you? (SNIFFING) Are you handsome?

GK: Yes.(GROWL)

AS: Sit, Challenger.

GK: People say I'm good-looking. (GROWL)
Some people do.

AS: Challenger, what's wrong?

GK: Does your dog have a problem with his vision?

AS: Read the eye chart, Challenger.

TK (DOG): B  C  X  K  W  M  D O  V  ----

GK: Amazing. (STING, BRIDGE) We dated for awhile and we earned good money singing on the street (TRAFFIC PASSING) ----

GK & AS (SING):

When the shadows of this life have gone
I'll fly away
Like a bird from these prison walls I'll fly
I'll fly away.

Chorus:
I'll fly away, oh Glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die Hallelujah, by and by
I'll fly away.

(BRIDGE)

GK: People pity a guy with thick glasses but when I take the glasses off the world becomes soft and romantic like a Renoir painting. Here's the world with my glasses.

(PIANO MARCH, STIFF)

GK: And here's without:

(PIANO ARPEGG INTO SOFT DEBUSSY-LIKE ROMANCE)

GK: Here's with glasses.

SS: Your report was due yesterday. Where is it?

GK: And this is without glasses.

SS: (HUSKY): Touch me, hold me, my body aches for you, take me in your arms, love me.

GK: The world with my glasses-----

TR (SCROOGE): You're late again, Mr. Cratchit! Christmas Day is no excuse to pick a man's pocket. And you know what I'm going to do about it?

GK: World without glasses-----

TR (SCROOGE): I'm going to give you a big raise, Mr. Cratchit. And Tiny Tim is going to walk again and the economy is on the rebound. Yes sir!!! 

GK: A person needs to have these two sensibilities, you need to be able to take your glasses off----

TR: I CELEBRATE myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.

GK: And sometimes you need to put your glasses back on--

TR: What am I talking about? That's crazy.(BRIDGE)

GK: Two sensibilities at one time ----- wild hope and stark realism. I'm a romantic at heart and she was a realist----

AS: (SOFTLY): What are you thinking?

GK: Me? I'm thinking you're the love of my life and I want to fly to Paris with you and be wildly happy, living on the streets and singing our songs.

AS: Oh.

GK: What are you thinking?

AS: I'm thinking that I can't fly to Paris because I'm supposed to be in my friend Jessica's wedding in April

GK: Tell her you can't. You're in love.

AS: I told her I would.

GK: How well do you know Jessica?

AS: I never met her but she's my aunt Emma's cousin's daughter.

GK: And you won't fly to Paris because you're going to be in her wedding?? Babes----

AS: A promise is a promise. (STING, BRIDGE)

GK: Louisa broke up with me and started dating Lenny, the Greek god, but she and I still sang duets on the street because it was good money.

AS & GK (SING):
I'll fly away, oh Glory
I'll fly away in the morning
When I die Hallelujah, by and by
I'll fly away.

GK: We keep singing "I'll fly away" but we never do it. Why not? Let's go.

AS: I can't I've got to feed my cat.

GK:
Let's fly to Paris
What can compare
Don't be embarrassed
I'll marry you there.

AS:  I have a dental appointment on Wednesday.

GK: Let's fly to Paris
And have an affair
Let's ride that ferris
Wheel high in the air

AS: I told my mother I'd come help her clean her basement.

GK: Let's fly to Paris
Or maybe Lyon
I don't care as
Long as I'm not alone.

AS: I'm taking my car in to have the brakes checked.

GK: No one so fai as
You darling mon cher
Let's fly to Paris
Let's be a pair

AS: Let me check my schedule. I'll get back to you. (BRIDGE)

GK: I'm a romantic.

TR: (FRENCH)

GK: Two tickets to Paris.

TR: (FRENCH)

GK: One way.

TR: (FRENCH QUESTION):

GK: Non-refundable. Leaving Thanksgiving Day.

TR: (FRENCH QUESTION, "Thanksgiving"?

GK: It's the third week of November. Big turkey dinner, cranberries.

TR: (FRENCH QUESTION)

GK: Of course, first class. Hang the expense.

TR: (GERMAN, CRISP ORDERS)

GK: Put my glasses on???? No no no no no.

TR (GERMAN ORDER)

GK: I'd really rather not. 

TR: (LOW GERMAN THREAT)

GK: Very well. I'll put them on then. (CRUNCH) Whoops. Broken. (CRUNCH) Completely.

AS: Darling!!!

GK: You're all dressed up. I love that shade of pink.

AS: Let’s go, darling. Paris. You and I.

GK: Let's fly.

AS & GK:
Oh, how glad and happy we will be
I'll fly away
To Provence and also Normandie
And Chardonnay.

In Chardonnay, O Glory, In Chardonnay
When I die, with my hand upon your thigh
I'll fly away

GK: When I die, Lord I ask you please
May it be while enjoying a blue cheese
And Pouilly-Fuisse

AS/GK: Pouilly Fuisse, O Pouilly Fuisse
When I die with my hand upon your thigh

I'll fly away.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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