November 13, 2010
Saint Augustine Amphitheater

St. Augustine, Florida

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Mom

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(PHONE RINGS 3X, PICKUP)

GK: Hello?

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Duane? Honey is that you? 

GK: Mom?

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE, FAINT): I didn't get you at a bad time, did I Duane?

GK: I was just sitting and listening to the radio, Mom.

SS: Listening to the radio----- are you not feeling well?

GK: I'm okay. Where are you?

SS: Your dad and I came down to Florida. We're looking at condos.

GK: Condos? I thought you liked it in Minnesota?

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Well, we're looking for a condo community, Duane. A community sort of thing. You know. Where you get visitors once in a while. Instead of spending day after day staring at the phone, waiting for it to ring. Wondering if everybody had forgotten about us. So.

(LONG BEAT)

GK: Is this about me not coming over for Halloween?

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): We had a wonderful Halloween. We had 27 small children come trick-or-treating and we posed for pictures with each and every one of them. As though they were our own grandchildren. 

GK: Great.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): We had the time of our lives. Or what's left of it.

GK: Okay mom. Glad you had fun. 

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Anyway your dad and I have always loved Florida. And we found a place. It's called Gratitude Acres, and they have all new carpeting, a high-tech security system, and an adjustable whirlpool bath! And there's a nice guestroom with its own bath. A room where someone could come and live with you if he wanted. Isn't that nice?

(A BEAT)

GK: Mom—

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You don't have to make up your mind now. Just think about it. Mull it over for a while.

GK: I don't think that's necess—

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE):  ---talk to your dad about it. He's right here-----

GK: I don't really have any—

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE, OFF): Hank! (TR MURMURS) You wanna talk to your son? (TR MURMURS) He's on the phone right now, he wants to talk to you. (FUMBLES WITH PHONE)

TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Hello.

GK: Hi dad. 

TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Hey. How's it going?

GK: Pretty good. 

TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): So what's going on? 

GK: Not much.

(A BEAT)

TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Yeah. Same here.

GK: Good.

TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Yeah. Nice and peaceful.

GK: I guess so. (A BEAT) So you're moving to Florida?

TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Oh maybe. I'm just waiting to hear the verdict.

GK: You know you can weigh in on it too, dad.

TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Oh. Okay.

GK: You know that, don't you?

(A BEAT)

TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Well good talking to you son.

GK: Dad?

TR (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): I'll give you back to your mother.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE, OFF): How many bars do we have? (TR MURMURS) Is it three or four? (TR MURMURS) It looks like three to me.

GK: Hello?

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Duane? Honey are you still there?

GK: I'm here mom.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Now Duane honey, if you want me to send airfair to Florida, just say the word and the check is in the mail.

GK: You don't need to give me money, mom.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE):  No pressure, Duane. You can stay in Minnesota if you want. 

GK: Okay.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You can hunker down there in Minnesota and your dad and I will go to Florida and learn to mambo. We'll have drinks with umbrellas and you can stay there and shovel the walk and eat antidepressants by the fistful. Up to you.

GK: Okay.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): And up in Minnesota, you'll be totally free. 

GK: Mom. 

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): And it's good practice for when we're gone for good. 

GK: Don't do this.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Think of Florida as the boarding gate and we've got one-way tickets to the great beyond.

(SS SOBS, SNIFFLE): Thanksgiving, Duane. That might be your last chance to see us. Because I'm not planning to have reviewal at my funeral.

GK: Mom.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): What?

GK: I'll come for Thanksgiving.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You will?

(A BEAT, SNIFFLING)

GK: I will.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Really? This isn't some sadistic hoax-----

GK: I'll be there.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Gratitude Acres.

GK: Okay mom. Thanks for calling.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): You’re going to love this guest room, Duane. It's got your name all over it. The name Duane.

GK: Okay mom. Looking forward to seeing it.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Bring some clothes and leave them in the closet.

GK: I will.

SS (MIDWESTERN, ON PHONE): Okay, bye, love you honey.

GK:  Love you mom.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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