November 20, 2010
Brown Theater at the Wortham Theater Center in Houston, TX

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Café Boeuf

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GK: Our show is brought to you by the Cafe Boeuf Houston with your host, Antoine the maitre'd. Bon soir, Antoine.

TR (FRENCH): No, I am not the bouncer, I am the maitre'd. (FRENCH MUTTERS)

GK: Bon soir!

TR (FRENCH): Who is this Buster? We have no Buster working here. Buster? (FRENCH MUTTERS)

GK: Okay, okay. Good evening, Antoine.

TR (FRENCH): Well, why didn't you say so? Bon soir to you, monsieur.

GK: So what's on the menu tonight?

TR (FRENCH): Tonight on the menu we have the (FRENCH GIBBERISH) and that is fixed in a Sauce (GIBBERISH) and served on a bed of (GIBBERISH). Along with a (FRENCH VOCALISM FOR SMALL) of (GIBBERISH).

GK: Good. It sounds wonderful.

TR (FRENCH): You wish to order?

GK: This dish---- this (GIBBERISH) ---- this doesn't contain some sort of intestinal parts, does it?

TR (FRENCH): What is that? (GIBBERISH) I didn't say that. I said that we are serving (GIBBERISH)----

GK: What did I say?

TR (FRENCH): You told me that my wife looks like a suitcase.

GK: I'm sorry. I only meant to ask if your entrée, the one you mentioned, includes odd body parts like brains or kidneys. We Americans don't eat those things.

TR (FRENCH): You don't eat the (FRENCH)?

GK: What is that?

TR (FRENCH): The (FRENCH)? It is the lips of the pig.

GK: Pig lips? No. We don't.

TR (FRENCH): But that is the tastiest part. (FRENCH GUSTATORY ENTHUSIASM) SO the pate of pancreas of pigeon? You do not want? The sauteed throat of trout?

GK: How about a hot dog?

TR (FRENCH): A dog, monsieur? Please. We do not eat dogs in France. That is barbaric. (FRENCH INDIGNATION)

GK: A hot dog, Antoine. A hot dog. A sausage.

TR (FRENCH): A what?

GK: A sausage.

TR (FRENCH): Ahhh. Un sausage. Of course.

GK: What would be in the sausage?

TR (FRENCH): In the sausage??

GK: Yes. The ingredients. Is this pork? Or beef?

TR (FRENCH): French sausage has many many things.

GK: That's what I'm wondering about.

TR (FRENCH): The secret of the French sausage is diversity. A multitude of animals.

GK: Such as what?

TR (FRENCH): Well, we have the (FRENCH) and we have the (FRENCH) and also the (FRENCH) and the (FRENCH), and the…

GK: Are there brains in the sausage?

TR (FRENCH): You want it without brains?

GK: Please.

TR (FRENCH): (OFF, SHOUTING) REMOVE THE BRAINS FROM THE SAUSAGE!!! (FN RESPONSE, OFF)

TR (FRENCH): The brains are removed from the sausage, monsieur. A no-brainer. And here is your mustard. (SQUORT)

GK: Could I have ketchup with that instead?

TR (FRENCH): You wish me to wash the mustard off and put a tomato sauce on it? The sauce of tomato? On a sausage??? (DISGUSTED FRENCH)

GK: Okay. Mustard. Fine.

TR (FRENCH): Tres bien. Mustard!

GK: Tres bien.

TR (FRENCH): What? This is a restaurant, not a cafeteria. We have no trays here. Please.

GK: The Cafe Boeuf Houston.... The home of good eaters, of good taste, of passion, of (KNOWING FRENCH LAUGH)---- (PLAYOFF)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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