December 11, 2010
New York, NY
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Snowman

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(PIANO)

TR: Once there was a snowman who stood in a park in St. Paul in front of a statue of Nathan Hale. The park was on a quiet street and the snowman had a lot of time to think.

GK: I love this time of day when the streetlights come on and the lights in that house. Colored lights. It's very cheerful. Though I do wish I could move. There are boys who come down this street who like to kick snowpeople to pieces. If it happens it happens, but still ----- I'd hate to be kicked to pieces before she comes. She. The Singer.

TR: "She" ---- as he called her ----- was a woman named Janis who went door to door selling caramels and singing Christmas carols (GK & HM SING: VENI, EMMANUEL) The beauty of her singing moved him, all his crystal molecules, and she was the one who gave the snowman the power of speech two days ago. She looked at him and said-----

HM: You don't have a mouth! Here-----

TR: And she chewed some caramel to make it soft and she stretched it out and gave him a smile on his big round white face and instantly he felt better. (STING)

GK: I can talk now.

HM: Marvellous.

GK: You can hear me?

HM: Of course.

GK: Nobody ever listened to me before.

HM: You've only been around for a week----

GK: What's a week?

HM: It's not that long.

GK: To me it is.

HM: Can you sing?

GK: I don't know.

HM: Try it. (SINGS)
Beautiful snowman, sing unto me,
Moonlight and snowstorms are waiting for thee; Sounds of the season, passing you by,
Angels we have heard on high.

GK & HM: Glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-oria.

GK: You're incredibly beautiful. I love you. Maybe I shouldn't say it but----When you're a snowman, you understand how short life is. How fragile. And love is so precious.
You live in that apartment on the second floor, right?

HM: Right.

GK: That's exactly where my eyes are pointed.

HM: Oh?

GK: I've been watching you.

HM: Really-----

GK: And it makes me feel warm inside and then I start to shrink and I can feel water running down my cheeks and down my thorax. It's uncomfortable.

HM: So you want me to move your eyes?

GK: Well, it's all I can think of.

HM: Here.-----

TR: So she took out the two chunks of coal and moved them down by his nose.

HM: How's that?

GK: Now I'm looking at your legs. You better move away or I'm going to turn into a puddle.

HM: I had no idea that snowmen---- you know-----

GK: Oh yes-----

HM: You feel better now?

GK: Well, I'm not melting anyway.

TR: But he missed looking at her. Her flushed cheeks, her sparkling eyes. She put her gloved hand on him and patted his shoulder and shaped it so he had nice strong shoulder.

GK: You a chiropractor, too?

HM: No a singer. I'm going inside now.

GK: She's gone. Amazing how empty the street is without her. And now I'm looking down at the sidewalk. Empty sidewalk. Except for this dog. (DOG PANTING, WHINE) No. Not here. Please. Not on me. (TRICKLE OF LIQUID) Oh boy. Now she'll never look at me again. I'll be an object of disgust. Old yellow snowman. (WHIRRR)

TR: And a snowball flew past him. And one hit him in the face. (WHAM) And his eyes fell out.

GK: Everything's gone dark. I'm an old blind yellow snowman. A snowman with the blues.

Here I'm standing on the boulevard
And my face just fell apart.
Whoa, it is so hard, it is so hard 
When all your love's in vain

GK: I guess it wasn't meant to be. A snowman and a singer. It's just too weird. I mean, we couldn't go to church together. She couldn't introduce me to your parents. They live in Florida. And then spring comes along. She'd be a widow by the middle of March. I just wish it would get colder. (THUNDER LIGHTNING) What's that?

GK: I must be having a heart attack.

HM: It's raining. How can it rain? It's winter. Oh my gosh----- (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS)

GK: I feel like I'm melting. My head is about to fall off. My mouth feels loose.

HM: Oh my love! My love!!! Are you all right!!!! You're starting to disappear-----

GK: I'm dying.

HM: I'll hold an umbrella over you.

GK: I don't think it's going to help. I had so much to say to you. I dreamed of you.

HM: I dreamed of you.
When the rain started falling
I lost that love of mine
And the bright lights do not shine
All my love's in vain.

TR: It was a cold rain but it wasn't cold enough and in a few minutes the snowman was just a mound of icy snow on the ground.

GK: Guess I'll just sing bass from now on. 

TR: Weeks passed and She mostly forgot about the Snowman until late one night…..

FN: This where you live?

HM: Yeah. Want to come up?

FN: Sure. ----- Are you sure?

HM: Yeah. Why?

FN: Well, it's only our second date.

HM: Well, if you'd rather not----

FN: No. I wasn't saying that. I just---- I donno----

GK: All your love's in vain.

FN: What was that?

HM: What was what?

FN: That voice.

GK: All your love's in vain.

FN: Coming from over there.

HM: I didn't hear it.

FN: From that mound of ice.

HM: Are you all right?

FN: What do you mean?

GK: All your love's in vain.

FN: There it is again. Is this a joke?

HM: Listen, I'm tired---- let's call it a night.

FN: What's wrong?

HM: You just seem upset----

FN: Because I hear a voice singing "Your love's in vain"---

HM: Your love's in vain? That's what you heard?

FN: Yes. (FOOTSTEPS. SHE STOMPS ON THE GROUND)

HM: Stop that. Shut up. Time to move on.

GK: All your love's in vain.

HM: It's over. You melted. You're gone. So go----

FN: Who you talking to?

HM: I'll tell you later.

FN: You're talking to that hump of ice?

HM: It's a long story.

FN: You know, I think I should take a rain check on coming up-----

HM: Why??

FN: It just feels sort of weird to me-----

HM: Ron-----

FN: Don-----

HM: Can't we start over?

FN: I don't think so.

GK: All your love's in vain.

FN: Goodnight.

HM: Goodnight. -----Call me if you want to get together.

FN: Sure. Goodnight. (BUTTON)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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