December 18, 2010
New York, NY
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Jeg Er Saa Glad

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SS: What does that song mean? Jeg Er Saa Glad? It sounds like a happy song. Oh. Here it is. "I am so glad each Christmas Eve." Nice. Did you hear me when I said I'm going to church tonight and would you like to come with?

GK: Uh huh.

SS: You want to go?

GK: Fine.

SS: It's a candlelight service and I know you love candles.

GK: Uh huh.

SS: Emily's coming and she's bringing her friend Hajir. Emily? Your daughter?

GK: Right.

SS: Are you listening to anything I'm saying?

GK: Fine.

SS: I bought her a wool comforter. From Ireland. With Celtic symbols. But I haven't gotten a gift for Hajir yet.

GK: Uh huh.

FN: HELLO!!!! IT'S ME!!!!!! YOUR BROTHER BOB!!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS.

TR: Hi Bob.

FN: What's wrong? What's the problem? 

TR: Nothing. We're fine. Everything's fine.

SS: Nice serape, Bob. Maroon looks good on you.

FN: Thanks. Got it in Mexico when I went with Deirdre.

SS: Who was Deirdre?

TR: She was the one before Kelly.

FN: Actually she was after Kelly and before Heather who was before Deirdre.

SS: Heather was the massage therapist, right?

FN: No, that was Megan. Heather sold cosmetics. But really she was a singer/songwriter. Oh hi, Emily.

ER: Hi.

TR: What's wrong?

ER: I really don't want to talk about it. Okay? Just drop it.

TR: Okay. ------  Look at this weird Christmas card. "We are two wholenesses, and when my wholeness touches the border of your wholeness, then are we complete." Who is this from?

ER: Me.

TR: Really? Who wrote it?

ER: I did. It's a line from my play, "The Journey".

TR: You wrote a play? I didn't know you wrote plays.

ER: There's a lot you don't know about me. A lot.

(UNCOMFORTABLE PAUSE)

FN: I was reading an article on Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder One of the symptoms is "Preoccupation with details to the extent that the major point of the activity is lost." That's Christmas in a nutshell. If you ask me.

SS: We didn't ask you.

FN: Okay. Just putting that out there.  So I suppose the Deadlies are coming. You invited the Deadlies, right?

SS: Their name is Dudley.

TR: Dudley, Deadly ----- whatever. Those boring whimpering weepy people.

SS: They are members of our church, Bob.

TR: They come to dinner and they talk about world hunger and sit there with their big watery eyes -----

SS: Fine. I'll call and tell them not to come. They can go to a diner instead.

TR: I didn't mean that.

SS: I thought Christmas was supposed to be a time when people are kind to other people-----

TR: Just expressing an opinion. Sorry. So shoot me.

SS: Don't give me ideas.

GK &AS:
When Christmas is with family spent,
Sometimes it feels a lot like Lent. Alleluia alleluia.

TR: If the Deadlies are coming, we'll have to cleanse the kitchen of glutens and peanuts and anything impure. They've got a list of allergies as long as your arm. They don't eat in restaurants, they eat in laboratories.

ER: I have to go to my group now. Sorry. Back later.

SS: What group is that?

ER: It's called Wounded Daughters of Emotionally Distant Fathers.

GK: What?

ER: Never mind. I don't want to talk about it.

GK: I just wish we could have a Christmas that's actually enjoyable this year.

SS: What do you mean by that? 

GK: A quiet Christmas. Without all this tumult and this avalanche of presents and music and lights and people all talking at once-----

SS: Fine. I'll just tell my family not to come.

GK: I'm not talking about your family.

SS: I'll tell them to make other plans.

GK: They don't need to make other plans.

SS: Heidi and Steve are flying in from Houston, I'll go meet them at the airport and we can sit in a McDonalds and have a turkeyburger. Maybe there's a nondenominational service in the chapel. The kids can watch TV and we can exchange gifts from vending machines.

GK: I'm sorry I said anything. I'm very sorry.

SS: I'll call them up and tell them to go away. No more mooching off us.

GK: Look---- I'm the problem, I'll make other plans. It's okay. I'm going to just go sit in the bus depot today and read a good book.

SS: Why does it always turn out this way?

GK: What way?

SS: Let's go to church. It's late. I wanted to walk and now we'll have to drive. Oh darn it. You coming or not?

GK: I'm coming.

O DU FROHLICHE