Fitzgerald Theater, St. Paul, MN
SW: I was really happy when Garrison asked me to host the show today ---- for several reasons, one of which was the chance to do sound effects, which you never get to do when you're just a musician, doing concerts.
In all the years I spent with Nickel Creek, I can count on one hand the number of times I got to do (MONKEY CHATTER). Bluegrass and monkeys just don't go together. Ralph Stanley doesn't go onstage and do (MONKEYS).
So I told Tom Keith that I wanted to get involved with sound effects and he said, "It's winter. It's pretty silent around here." Which I sort of knew. That Minnesota gets cold. And it's flat. And there are moose. That's all they taught us. ---- But I was home-schooled.
I got Tom to take me for a ride on his snowmobile. (STARTER) It's a 350 horsepower snowmobile and he keeps it on the River. We headed downstream under the 494 overpass (TRUCKS PASSING OVER, HORNS) and under a jetliner (JET) coming in on its approach to the airport and we passed the Empire Builder (TRAIN) bound for Chicago and came to the dam and locks at Red Wing ---- TK: Hang on ---- (ACCEL AND OVER JUMP, AIRBORNE FOR THREE SECONDS, THEN LAND) ---- nice driving.
SW: How come the motor stopped?
TK: Snowmobile's got to breathe.
SW: We headed downstream and then Tom pulled into a secret cove and shut the motor down. (MOTOR STOPPING) And he pulled out an auger and he drilled a hole in the ice. (POWER AUGER)
TK: For ice fishing.
SW: He took out a knife and held it in his teeth and then ----- he dove into the hole (TK WORKS UP HIS WILLPOWER, THEN RUNS AND DIVES INTO FREEZING WATER) and he was under the ice for about a minute and a half when he came up (HE SURFACES WITH A GASP) he was holding a giant hundred-pound carp (FISH FLOPPING, TK STRUGGLING) who was putting up quite a fight. TK: Hand me the rifle! (FLOPPING, FIGHTING) I looked in the snowmobile and didn't see the rifle but I did see a moose (SW MOOSE) who was coming across the ice (HOOVES ON ICE, SW MOOSE) and it was so flat, you could see for miles and ----- nobody was coming to help -----
GDSW: ---Tom fighting with a giant carp (SFX) and a moose coming at me (SW MOOSE) and thank goodness for those two snow monkeys-----(MONKEYS) ----
TK: Thank goodness for who?
SW: The two snow monkeys.
TK: Where were they?
SW: In the snowmobile.
TK: How'd they get in there?
SW: They came across the snow. (MONKEYS)
TK: From where?
SW: Monkey Island.
TK: You're sure?
SW: Positive. I was there.
TK: So was I.
SW: But you were busy fighting the fish.
TK: Oh. Right. (TK STRUGGLES WITH CARP) Grab the rifle! The rifle!
SW: Those monkeys advanced on the moose (MOOSE) who had never seen monkeys before and he took off (MOOSE) with the monkeys in pursuit (MONKEYS) and Tom had disappeared-----
TK: I had?
SW: The giant carp had gotten him in its jaws (SFX) and hauled him down into the hole in the ice (SHRIEK) and I could hear him banging against the underside of the ice with his fists (SFX) and then --- he was gone. Gone. I was alone. Miles from nowhere. On the frozen ice of the Mississippi. (FOOTSTEPS IN SNOW) The sun gone down.(OWL) A snowmobile sitting there, but when I turned the key in the ignition. (STARTER NON-START) No manual telling me how to start the thing. And no flashlight. No lights anywhere---- except that one light. In the sky. It seems to be getting closer. (CHOPPER APPROACHES SLOWLY, LANDS) (ROTOR STOPS) (DOOR OPENS)
TK: Tom Keith, Miss Watkins. I'm your sound effects man.
SW: I knew you wouldn't let me down!!!! (CHOPPER UP AND AWAY, BAND PLAYOFF)