Fitzgerald Theater, St. Paul, MN
Lives of the Cowboys
SS (ANNC): The Lives of the Cowboys. Brought to you by Spanish Johnny Spandex Chaps, for cowboys who are still growing. And now, The Lives of the Cowboys.
TR: Get your face out of that computer, Lefty. Gotta round up the cows.
GK: Evelyn's online, Dusty. I see her little green dot. I'm just thinking about whether I oughta try to chat with her.
TR: You better do it fast, before your battery runs out.
GK: I donno. I don't want to bother her. (COWS) Maybe she's tired of me. Wouldn't blame her. Maybe she's talking to someone else. Don't want to make a fool of myself.
TR: Then come rustle up the cows and let's eat some beans and hit the hay.
GK: Amazing to think that she's right there. If I clicked on that green dot, we'd be talking.
TR: Look, we didn't become cowboys to sit here staring at the computer. We did it to experience solitude.
GK: I think I already knew about that.
TR: You only knew about loneliness. Solitude is something else. That's where you start to like being alone. You enjoy your own company.
(COWS, TR SPIT)
GK: Her light just turned orange, and now it's green again.
TR: People nowadays can't bear to be alone. Always obsessively looking for company, constant reassurance. Email, chat, social networks, talk talk talk. Us cowboys are the last of the loners. Least I am. I am the last American alive who is not looking for validation.
GK: Wonder who she's talking to.
TR: Just start up a video chat. Don't sit and stare at the screen all day.
GK: I can't.
TR: Here, I'll do it for you.
GK: Get your hand away----
TR: Just click the mouse---- (STRUGGLING) Right over her name. (CLICK) Yvonne Beebalo Here we go.
(VIDEO CHAT CHIME INVITATION)
GK: What did you do?
TR: Lefty has invited you to chat. Let's see if she picks up.
GK: How do I turn this off?
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Hello? Lefty is that you?
(A BEAT, TR CHUCKLES, UNDER)
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Thanks for getting in touch, Lefty.
GK: Is this a good time?
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): It's as good a time as ever. Just taking a break from grading papers.
GK: Where are you?
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): I'm at the schoolhouse, Lefty. Where are you?
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Oh. Okay. Just thought you might be coming into town, is all.
TR (UNDER): See? There you go.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): What?
GK: Not for a while, Evelyn. We're down here on the trail.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Oh. Okay. What's on your mind, Lefty?
TR (UNDER): Ask her if she's seeing anybody.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): What was that, Lefty?
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): I thought I heard you say something.
TR (UNDER): Seeing anybody.
(GK PUSHES TR AWAY)
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Someone else with you?
GK: No. Just clearing my throat is all.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Oh. Okay then. Well nice to see you Lefty. You're looking well.
GK: You too Evelyn. You look lovely. I like your hair that way. Any reason you decided to pin it up like that? Anyone tell you you look nice that way.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Just you.
GK: So... Life is good?
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): It's all right.
GK: You spending time with people?
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Here and there, sure.
GK: Anybody special?
TR (OFF): There you go.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): They're all special to me, Lefty.
GK: How many are we talking about here?
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): How many what?
TR (OFF): Uh oh.
GK: Nothing. So nobody more special than any of the others?
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): You mean am I seeing anybody?
GK: If that's what you want to talk about, sure--
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Is that what you're asking?
GK: You can tell me if you want.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Tell you what?
GK: What you want to tell me.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): What are you asking, Lefty?
GK: Whatever you want to talk about.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Didn't you call me?
GK: It's okay. I can go.
(A BEAT, COWS)
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): I don't understand you Lefty. You leave for months at a time and then you call me so you can avoid asking me if I'm seeing someone? Is that what this is?
GK: It's okay. Never mind.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Is that a campfire behind you?
GK: Yes it is.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Looks romantic.
GK: I guess it could be, under certain circumstances. (GUITAR STRUMS)
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Wow. You've got your guitar, huh?
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): Sing me a song.
GK: You sure?
SS (EVELYN ON CHAT): Of course I'm sure.
GK: Okay, but if you change your mind, just say so.
(GUITAR INTRO, MOONLIGHT ON COLORADO)
Life at times has been a lonely struggle
Down a dusty trail against the sky
But you're the woman I have always dreamed of
Hoping I will see you by and by.
Moonlight and I'm sitting by a campfire
Out here on the prairie feeling blue
Listening to the owl and coyote choir
Wishing I were back up north with you.
L'amour for moi is my jes nes sais quoi
And you are the prettiest girl I ever saw.
Moonlight on a lonely night in Texas
How I wish that I were there with you.
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): You're breaking up, Lefty. What was that last line, Lefty?
GK: It was "How I wish that I were there with you"...
SS (EVELYN, ON CHAT): I can't hear you. Lefty? Are you there? Lefty?
TR: Uh oh. Looks like you lost your connection there.
TK: Hey. One of you guys just Twitter me?
TR: No, sir.
TK: Somebody Twittered and said the cows have all scattered.
TR: Sorry, we don't do Twitter.
TK: How d'ya expect to keep track of 10,000 cattle without Twitter? C'mon, let's mount up. (BEEPS) Whoa. Let me see what this is. Smoky's texting me.
GK: What'd he say?
TK: Says the herd is a mile south of here and heading for the arroyo.
TR: Better ride.
TK: And he says, Thanks for the email you sent, it really made me feel better about myself. Let's go! (GIDDYUPS, HORSES WHINNY, HOOVES GALLOPING)