Fitzgerald Theater, St. Paul, MN
GK: It's been brutally cold this week (WIND)--brutally cold. I went to the opera Thursday night and walked a block to my car and in one block I became a soprano. (TK FALSETTO OPERATIC LINE). The car was frozen solid (DOOR OPEN) and it did not want to start (STARTER SLOW, THEN CATCHES, BUT RELUCTANTLY) and the tires were frozen to the pavement and it was hard to move (CAR REV, THEN CRUNCHING OF TIRES COMING FREE) and the heater never warmed up (SHIVERING) and you stop at the stoplight and the big luxury SUV pulls up alongside and he's got heat, he's got buttwarmers, a heated steering wheel (PITIFUL SHIVERING) and you feel the injustice of it (CRY OF RAGE) and you think bad thoughts, and also about your boss who is in Key West this month. (TROPICAL BIRDS) He rented a house near the beach and he's playing tennis (TENNIS VOLLEY) and he's dancing in the moonlight (LATIN RHYTHM, TK EXUBERANT DANCING) while you are suffering in minus seventy windchill (SHIVERING). You drive home and in the cold you have hallucinations. Polar bears on the freeway overpass (BEAR). Canadians riding snowmobiles (SFX) and swinging their hockey sticks. (TK: EH? You want to know what it's all aboot, I'll tell you what it's all aboot. ) Canadians with their cheap pharmaceuticals. (LAUGHTER) And where there are Canadians, there are seals (SFX) and walruses (SFX). And seals (SFX).
GK: ...Hard to tell them apart sometimes. Walruses (SFX) and seals (SFX). And sea lions (SFX). And there you are in your old brokendown car (SHIVERING) with the crummy heater (GRINDING OF SLOW FAN) ---- and the guy in the luxury S.U.V. is tailgating you (HORN) and your boss is in Key West (TENNIS, ICE IN GLASS) and aliens are moving into your neighborhood (SEALS, WALRUS). What can we do, people of the North? The answer is: drink more coffee. (TK: COFFEE) The enemy is sleep. Drowsiness. (SFX) You need to keep your mind at a keen edge. (BOING) Ever prepared. Ever vigilant. You need coffee.
GK & JS COFFEE JINGLE:
You will want to drink a quar't
It's delicious all alone, it's
Also good with doughnuts.
Coffee stimulates your urges,
It is served in Lutheran churches,
Keeps the Swedes and Germans
Awake through the sermons
Have a pot of it today,
I'm sure you'll say it's awfully