February 26, 2011
San Diego Civic Center Theatre, San Diego, CA
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Budget

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GK: People ask us what’s going on in Wisconsin, our neighbor to the east, and of course all we know is what you know, that Governor Mubarak has ordered public employees to wear face coverings and teacherswill not be allowed to speak outside the classroom and all state-owned facilities now belong to him personally.

Like most states, Wisconsin has budget problems, so they’ve reduced the school year from 10 months to just February. Which is a huge savings. And because most of their students plan to leave Wisconsin as soon as they graduate, it doesn’t matter to the governor that they’re poorly educated, that is somebody else’s problem. Wisconsin is also training citizens to fight their own fires. If there’s a fire in your home, there’s a website you can go to. (FN: Aim the fire extinguisher at the bottom of the fire. And squeeze. BLAST OF EXTINGUISHER). Health care costs can be reduced by training people to do it themselves. (SS: If you can filet a fish, you can take out tonsils. All you need is a fork, pinking shears, and a flashlight. See how easy it is. Open wide, Larry. (FN OPEN) Wider. (FN GAGGING) Say ahhh. (FN AHHHH) See the tonsils? One quick snip and they’ll be gone. Hold still, Larry. Hold still.) Budget cuts are painful. But everyone has to feel the pain. In the Wisconsin state legislature, for example, they’ve cut toilet paper usage with electronic dispensers that give you just four segments of toilet paper ---- that’s all a person needs ----- no need to yank off fourteen feet of toilet paper and ball it up…

GK: …Here’s the computerized toilet paper dispenser now in use at the Wisconsin legislature. (SFX) Four little sheets and it won’t dispense any more until you leave the stall.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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