The Fabulous Fox Theater, St. Louis, MO
GK: Spring is here, time for spring cleaning. (WINDEX) But you need more than Windex. You need a high-pressure power hose (SFX) to sluice out your house and a 50 hp shop vacuum (SFX) And then a truck to carry away the debris (TRUCK BACKS UP, CRASH). Then it's time to take a trip to the basement. (DOOR OPENS, LIGHT SWITCH, WALKING DOWN STAIRS). You probably don't remember half of the things that are down there. Like those twelve blenders sitting down there (BLENDERS) why do you have twelve blenders? And these old records... and a record player (NEEDLE ON RECORD, TRUMPET)—you haven't listened to that for a while... Your old Nordic Track (SFX)—remember when you bought that, you were going to do it every day and it's been years now ---and a pair of maracas (SFX), that doll that talks when you pull a string on its back (SFX), the jumprope with little shakers in the handle (SFX)... the old chainsaw (SFX), the Segue scooter that you fell off of it (SFX) and you never used it again. It's okay to get rid of this now. (SFX) Haul it all out in your yard with a sign that says "Free". Go out for lunch and when you come back, it will all be gone.
GK: After that's done, you go to the doctor and get a spring checkup. Put on a paper smock (SFX)—the nurse will come in and weigh you (WEIGHT GOING FARTHER AND FARTHER OVER), and then she'll take your blood pressure (SFX), and then she'll have you say 'ah' (SFX) and stick a tongue depressor in your mouth (GAGGING), and listen to your heart (HEARTBEAT), and then your lungs (BIG INHALE) and turn your head and cough (SFX) and then the blood draw (SFX), and while you wait for your results, you might as well go to the dentist (SCRAPING), get your teeth cleaned for spring. Get a few cavities filled (DRILL), and there's a message on your machine from the Doctor:
FN (ON MACHINE): Hi, this is Dr. Matthews. Your tests came back fine. Mostly fine. Just a few little ----- hmmmm ------ well ----- hey, it's probably nothing. Nothing to worry about. Have a good spring.
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).