Astronomy, June 4, 2011

Amphitheater at Fort Tuthill County Park

Flagstaff, AZ


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Astronomy

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(ORGAN)

TR (ANNC): And now, Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow Family of Automotive Products brings you— Adventures in Astronomy.

(MOTOR RAISING TELESCOPE, OWL HOOTS)

GK: There. Telescope set at positive 11 degrees, 18 minutes and 32 seconds. Right on the mark.

SS: Gosh, Dr. Fellows. It's so dark out here.

GK: It's supposed to be dark, Maureen. It's an observatory, and it's midnight.

SS: Look at all the stars. Aren't they beautiful?

GK: We're not here to look at all of them, Maureen. We're here to look in one exact place and there, if my calculations are correct,we will discover a new planet. (STING)

SS: A new planet—why Dr. Fellows—--- that'll be a historic moment. There'll be front-page articles in the papers. You'll be famous.

GK: I suppose so. According to my calculations, tonight's the only night in the next fifteen months when it will be visible. There's no room for error, Maureen. (TYPING) Just a few more coordinates here.

SS: Oh, doctor... this is so exciting.

GK: Thank goodness for this 130 million dollar telescope, here at the Kronwich Observatory. I'll just hit the focus, here. (BUTTON PUSH, MECHANICAL FOCUS)

SS: My. Such a big telescope.

GK: Millions of dollars gets you a lot of telescope, Maureen. I'll just rotate the magnetic torquer, here. (SFX) There. Perfect. (OWL HOOTS)

SS: So what are you going to name it?

GK: Name what?

SS: The planet. If you find it.

GK: I was thinking XLK-43-M

SS: Oh. You don't want something like Calliope? Or Thalia? Or....Maureen? (STING)

GK: I'm sorry, what was that? I was fine-tuning the secondary mirror baffle.

SS: Nothing, doctor. Just talking to myself.

GK: Could you input the X-14 coordinates into the K-axis there, Maureen? I need to lube the magnometer.

SS: Yes doctor. Of course. (LUBE SFX, TYPING)

GK: I've been waiting for months for this night, Maureen. This discovery could ---- (TELESCOPE MOVES) what did you do?

SS: I'm sorry, doctor, I think I hit the wrong key.

(TELESCOPE MOVES)

GK: It's lowering, Maureen. Make it stop.

SS: I would, but I don't know which button I just pushed!

GK: For heaven's sake, Maureen------

SS: I'm sorry doctor...I'm truly sorry... (TELESCOPE STOPS MOVING). Look. It's stopped moving. (TELESCOPE FOCUSES) It looks like it's aiming at those houses over there.

GK: Let me see. (ADJUSTMENTS) Huh. 4322 Pine Terrace. Open windows...whoa.

SS: What do you see, doctor?

GK: Never mind, Maureen.

SS: I want to see.

GK: You'd better not.

SS: Give me that stepstool. (STEPS UP ON STOOL). So…what am I looking at....what am I…(FOCUSING) oh my gosh. It's a couple. And they're naked. (GASP)—Are they--They're dribbling pizza sauce on each other. Oh doctor.

GK: It's perverse, Maureen. We shouldn't watch. What kind of pizza is it?

SS: I'm not sure. It looks like sausage and mushroom.

GK: Canned mushrooms or fresh?

SS: Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

GK: Doesn't matter. Raise the scope, Maureen.

SS: Hold on just a second.

GK: If we don't raise the scope I'll miss my planet.

SS: This won't take long.

GK: The clumsy gyrations of a naked young couple do not interest me.

SS: No of course not. Me either. Should we order pizza?

GK: Raise the scope, Maureen.

SS: I thought you just did. Unless. Oh. My goodness. Doctor—

GK: What? Oh-----

SS: See?

GK: Good Lord.........

(THEME)

TR (ANNC): Join us again next time, when Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow Family of Automotive Products brings you— Adventures in Astronomy.

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