Amphitheater at Fort Tuthill County Park
TR (ANNC): And now, Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow Family of Automotive Products brings you— Adventures in Astronomy.
(MOTOR RAISING TELESCOPE, OWL HOOTS)
GK: There. Telescope set at positive 11 degrees, 18 minutes and 32 seconds. Right on the mark.
SS: Gosh, Dr. Fellows. It's so dark out here.
GK: It's supposed to be dark, Maureen. It's an observatory, and it's midnight.
SS: Look at all the stars. Aren't they beautiful?
GK: We're not here to look at all of them, Maureen. We're here to look in one exact place and there, if my calculations are correct,we will discover a new planet. (STING)
SS: A new planet—why Dr. Fellows—--- that'll be a historic moment. There'll be front-page articles in the papers. You'll be famous.
GK: I suppose so. According to my calculations, tonight's the only night in the next fifteen months when it will be visible. There's no room for error, Maureen. (TYPING) Just a few more coordinates here.
SS: Oh, doctor... this is so exciting.
GK: Thank goodness for this 130 million dollar telescope, here at the Kronwich Observatory. I'll just hit the focus, here. (BUTTON PUSH, MECHANICAL FOCUS)
SS: My. Such a big telescope.
GK: Millions of dollars gets you a lot of telescope, Maureen. I'll just rotate the magnetic torquer, here. (SFX) There. Perfect. (OWL HOOTS)
SS: So what are you going to name it?
GK: Name what?
SS: The planet. If you find it.
GK: I was thinking XLK-43-M
SS: Oh. You don't want something like Calliope? Or Thalia? Or....Maureen? (STING)
GK: I'm sorry, what was that? I was fine-tuning the secondary mirror baffle.
SS: Nothing, doctor. Just talking to myself.
GK: Could you input the X-14 coordinates into the K-axis there, Maureen? I need to lube the magnometer.
SS: Yes doctor. Of course. (LUBE SFX, TYPING)
GK: I've been waiting for months for this night, Maureen. This discovery could ---- (TELESCOPE MOVES) what did you do?
SS: I'm sorry, doctor, I think I hit the wrong key.
GK: It's lowering, Maureen. Make it stop.
SS: I would, but I don't know which button I just pushed!
GK: For heaven's sake, Maureen------
SS: I'm sorry doctor...I'm truly sorry... (TELESCOPE STOPS MOVING). Look. It's stopped moving. (TELESCOPE FOCUSES) It looks like it's aiming at those houses over there.
GK: Let me see. (ADJUSTMENTS) Huh. 4322 Pine Terrace. Open windows...whoa.
SS: What do you see, doctor?
GK: Never mind, Maureen.
SS: I want to see.
GK: You'd better not.
SS: Give me that stepstool. (STEPS UP ON STOOL). So…what am I looking at....what am I…(FOCUSING) oh my gosh. It's a couple. And they're naked. (GASP)—Are they--They're dribbling pizza sauce on each other. Oh doctor.
GK: It's perverse, Maureen. We shouldn't watch. What kind of pizza is it?
SS: I'm not sure. It looks like sausage and mushroom.
GK: Canned mushrooms or fresh?
SS: Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.
GK: Doesn't matter. Raise the scope, Maureen.
SS: Hold on just a second.
GK: If we don't raise the scope I'll miss my planet.
SS: This won't take long.
GK: The clumsy gyrations of a naked young couple do not interest me.
SS: No of course not. Me either. Should we order pizza?
GK: Raise the scope, Maureen.
SS: I thought you just did. Unless. Oh. My goodness. Doctor—
GK: What? Oh-----
GK: Good Lord.........
TR (ANNC): Join us again next time, when Rainbow Motor Oil and the Rainbow Family of Automotive Products brings you— Adventures in Astronomy.
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).