GK: The summer blockbuster movies are arriving at your local theater, where the air is cooled for your comfort ----- here's one you won't want to miss. It's called: "MISTER MUSKIE"-----
(SUSPENSE ORGAN, WATER LAPPING, BAT FLUTTERS)
SS: Gosh, Carl. It's so beautiful up here... sitting out here on the dock under the stars, our bare feet dangling in the water, no neighbors around.....
TR: It feels like Chicago is a million miles away. All that Sturm und Drang at the office. So peaceful.
SS: (CONTENTED SIGH) Do people fish in this lake?
TR: They used to, yes.
SS: Why did they stop? What happened, Carl?
TR: Oh, it's just a bunch of superstition.
SS: What was that? Did you see that?
TR: What was what?
SS: I saw a fish jump. Or something. Whatever it was was big. Right there... (BAT FLUTTERS)
TR: Pull your feet up, Julia.
SS: Why? (GIGGLES) Ooo. Something's nibbling me. (FOOTSTEPS ON DOCK RETREAT) Where are you going, Carl? (BIG FISH EMERGES, FN BASS VOCAL, SS SCREAMS) Oh my god, it's huge! Carl! (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS, FISH EMERGES, SPLASHES ONTO SHORE)
TR: Run, Julia, run! It's MISTER MUSKIE!
SS: It's got the head of a fish and the legs of a man! And he's holding big hooks in his fins! And it's coming after me, Carl! (SS SCREAMS, FISH ON LEGS RUNS AFTER THEM, FN BASS VOCAL) He's got me, Carl! He's putting his hooks in me! (FISH ATTACK, SS SCREAMS)
TR: No Julia! No!!!!!
GK: It's all coming to you at a drive-in theater nearby, this triple feature, including (ORGAN)---- "Poke".
(LIGHT WIND, SEAGULL)
SS: So quiet out here, Luke. Nice to get away from everything.
TR: Yes. It's been so hectic all spring. Go go go. I added it up the other day ---- do you realize I am spending three hours a day online?
TR: It is. It's like a cancer. Facebook. YouTube. Huffington Post. I've got to do something about it.
SS: Me too. Anyway, we're here. At the cabin. We can sleep late. Read books on the porch. Go fishing. Take a nap after lunch. Just laze around and do nothing. Paradise for the next two weeks. Just imagine.
SS: What's wrong?
TR: Did you hear something?
SS: Hear what?
TR: I don't know. Something.
SS: What did it sound like?
TR: It sounded weird.
SS: You must be wrong. We're at the cabin ---- we're miles away from town---- there's nothing---- (RUSTLING IN UNDERBRUSH, FOOTSTEPS) who's there?
FN (WEIRD): Jackie? Is that you?
SS: Jerry? What are you doing here?
FN (WEIRD): I need answers, Jackie.
SS: Jerry, go away.
TR: Who is he?
SS: A guy I went out with once. Go away, Jerry.
FN (WEIRD): You unfriended me, Jackie. Why? And you say you're in a relationship? Who is it? What did I do wrong? I've sent you fourteen friend requests. Why won't you answer?
SS: Don't touch me.
FN (WEIRD): I'm poking you.
SS: That hurts.
TR: Stop it.
FN (WEIRD): Want me to poke you?? I'll poke you. (WHACK) How'd you like that? Huh? Want another one? (WHACK)
GK: Or if you're looking for something a little more grounded, check out this one: it's called "The Buddy System"
(ORGAN, CRACKLING CAMPFIRE)
TR (KID): Dad?
TR (KID): Why don't we lock our cabin door?
FN: No need to lock it, kids. We're way out in the woods.
TR (KID): But what if-----
FN: What if what, Tommy?
TR (KID): You know.
FN: You mean what if it's true about that deranged counselor living in the woods?? (KIDS ASSENT) Ha ha ha ha ha. Now, kids. You know he doesn't exist.
TR (KID): Yes he does, Dad! Kevin saw him last summer, standing at the edge of the woods with a whistle around his neck. And he had a hook arm.
FN: You kids---- I donno what to do about you. How can you believe a crazy story like that------ (BLAST OF WHISTLE) What's that? Who are you? What are you doing with that clipboard?
SS (DERANGED): How many times do I need to tell you ---- stay together. You hear me? Stay together. The buddy system. I've told you a hundred times. How come you're sitting here all alone? Where's your buddy?
FN: I don't know what you're talking about.
SS (DERANGED): You left the waterfront. But you didn't check out with your buddy. One tag left on the buddy board. Joanne.
FN: My ex-wife Joanne? We divorced last year.
SS (DERANGED): Stick with your buddy. I've told you that a thousand times. You are a bad buddy.
FN: No! No, please! Not a lanyard! Don't put that lanyard around my neck! (EVIL LAUGHTER)
GK: That's the summer movie lineup, movies all filmed in northern Michigan, thanks to tax incentives. Showing at a drive-in theater near you. (ORGAN OUT)
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).