GK: We're in the woods of Northern Michigan where the summer people are arriving, people from Detroit and Chicago, Ann Arbor, Indianapolis, who are putting their big careers aside for a little while to pursue boating and golf and hiking and fishing, bird-watching---you go fishing and you get out your brand new flyrod ----- it's been years since you did this (CAST, FLIGHT OF FLY, BELLOW OF MOOSE) ---- you just hooked yourself an 800-pound moose and he's coming straight at you (MOOSE GALLOP, BELLOW)----- you manage to elude him by lying down in the lake and holding your breath (SFX) but you lose the flyrod, so you get out your powerboat (SFX) and skim over the waters of Lake Minnepissebigosh and (OFF: HEY!!!. BIG CRUNCH) and right into someone's canoe. (FN: I am so sorry. So sorry.) Someone whose dog comes after you. (FIERCE SNARLING, BITING, RIPPING) You escape by throwing the dog a piece of raw beef roast you happen to have in your pocket (SFX) and decide, maybe it's time to try your luck on land. So you get out the clubs and head for the course and hit a powerful drive from the first tee (SWING, HIT----- FN: No, no, no, no, no ----- get back, get back, get back. (KONK) CHILD CRYING) and hit a small child, whose father is a personal injury lawyer. (FN: Oh boy.), and he chases you with his golf cart (SFX), and you elude him by burying yourself in a sand trap (SFX) and holding your breath (SFX), and you finally lose him (CART DRIVES PAST, CRYING CHILD).
GK: And you console yourself by going out birdwatching and there in the tree is a rare pale blue egret (SFX), you've never seen one before, An endangered bird, and you reach for your binoculars and in your excitement you pull out your pistol instead. (TWO SHOTS. FN: O my gosh. I am so so sorry.) And a game warden is right there. (COME ON, CLOWN. HANDS BEHIND YOUR BACK.) (SFX: HANDCUFFS) And off you go.
Twenty-four hours and already you've lost your new fly rod, you got a half-million dollar lawsuit against you, a felony charge of egreticide, and you owe somebody $11,000 for a hand-crafted birchbark canoe. What more can go wrong? (DOG SNARLS) Whose dog is that? (DOG SNARLS) Look out. (DOG SNARLS, RUNNING FEET. DOOR OPEN. CLOSE. DOG BARKS. ANOTHER SERIES OF BARKS. PAUSE. EXPLOSION.)
If you'd only stayed back at the office, none of this would've happened. (FN REGRET) How lovely it was. The hum of the fax machine. The sweet ring of your cellphone (MUSICAL RING) The call of the computer (FN: You've got mail), the gentle rhythm of the copier, and if nobody is looking you can watch YouTube and see other people's vacation videos (SWING, HIT----- FN: No, no, no, no, no ----- get back, get back, get back. (KONK) (CHILD CRYING).
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).