Hamlet, September 3, 2011

Minnesota State Fair Grandstand

Falcon Heights, MN


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Hamlet

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(MOUTH TRUMPET FANFARE)

GK: It's September, fall is on the way, and then darkness, ice and snow, the bitter winds of winter, so now is the time for feasting and going on rides and more feasting ----- (BELCH) time for the State Fair. If you're feeling melancholy, maybe what you need is a few minutes on the ferris wheel and something on a stick.

TR: To eat, or not to eat: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to abstain from deep-fried Oreos and avoid a sea of troubles. But the cheese curds and the natural corn cobs That flesh is heir to, 'tis a compilation Devoutly to be wish'd. To eat, to sleep; To eat: perchance ice cream: ay, there's the tub.

(MOUTH TRUMPET FANFARE)

GK: Life is strange. You find out that your uncle poured poison in your father's ear and killed him and married your mother ----- it's a shock, no way around it. But does it help to sit and brood? No. Slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, yes, but at the State Fair you can sit on the sling and they harness you up and throw you a hundred feet in the air. (BWANGGG OF SPRING, TK CRY OUTWARD FAST, WHOOSH, BOINGGGGG) Other people enjoy it; maybe you can too, even if you're having a particularly hard time now like Orestes.

FN: Boy O boy. What a year. Long story short----- Dad went off to war and to make the gods happy he sacrificed my sister Iphigenia which really ticked off my mom Clytemnestra so she shacked up with this guy Aegisthus and when Dad came home with his girlfriend Cassandra, Mom murdered him ----- Dad was getting out of the bathtub and she threw a bathrobe over him and stabbed him to death ----- you wonder why they don't study Greek tragedy in high school, that's why ---- sex and violence, violence and sex ------ so anyway, as Dad's son, I've got a responsibility to avenge his death and so I head home to kill my own mother, but on the way I took a break and stopped at the Fair, had a couple corn dogs and a taco and corn on the cob and ----- it was good, you know? When you're in the cruel hands of fate, and the gods are just about to do God know what ---- there's nothing like a corn dog and a ride on the ferris wheel. Nothing.

GK: Good luck, Orestes.

FN: Thanks.

(TRUMPET FANFARE)

TR: STEL-------LAAAAAAAAAAA! STEL-------------LA!!!

ER: I'm right here, Stanley.

TR: You all ready to go to the Fair? Huh, baby? What you say we go to the Fair and make those colored lights go around? Huh?

ER: You going to go to the Fair in your undershirt?

TR: I like this shirt.

ER: It doesn't have sleeves----

TR: It's a muscle shirt.

SS (SOUTHERN): I believe it's called a Wife-Beater.

ER: Blanche, darling! I thought you were taking a hot bath to cool off----

SS (SOUTHERN): I heard you say you were going to the Fair.

ER: You want to come to the Fair, honey?

SS (SOUTHERN): When we lived at Belle Rive, remember? You and I used to go to the Fair in our frilly gowns with all the petticoats and our hair done up and carrying parasols and men would carry us over the mud puddles.

TR: Yeah, well, those days are over, okay? You're no better than anybody else, Blanche. So get over yourself.

ER: Stanley---- please.

FN: Afternoon, Miss Blanche.

SS (SOUTHERN): Who is he? This man in white----

FN: Don't be afraid. I'm going to take you for a ride.

ER: Stanley----- don't do this-----

FN: Just sit down on the seat, Blanche.

SS (SOUTHERN): I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.

ER: Stanley-----

SS (SOUTHERN): Why ever are you fastening this belt around me?

TR: It's called the Human Slingshot, Blanche. (SLOW RATCHET)

SS: The Human Slingshot! What is that? Why are they pulling on those ropes?

TR: Those aren't ropes. Those are bungee cords.

SS: Bungee what? (BWANGGG OF SPRING, SS CRY OUTWARD FAST, WHOOSH)

GK: The State Fair. Maybe it's what you need.

(TRUMPET FANFARE)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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