Technology, September 24, 2011

The Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN


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GK: Technology has been good to the institution of marriage. It has eliminated those bitter arguments in the car.....

SS: Where are you going?

TR: To church!

SS: You going the wrong way!

TR: I am not!

SS: You turned right instead of left.

TR: I know where I am. I've driven this way a thousand times.

SS: You're heading for the airport.

TR: I am not.

SS: Are you out of your mind???

TR: Oh just stifle yourself, would you.

SS: Let me out of the car.

TR:Oh for pity's sake.

SS: Stop right now and let me out of the car. I want out of this car.

GK: Those arguments are now a thing of the past.

SS (ELECTRONIC): Freeway entrance on the left in zero point six miles.

GK: And there is peace in the family where once there was anger and recrimination. And then there's the cellphone, which means a husband and wife are kept constantly informed of each other's whereabouts.

TR (ON PHONE): I've just left Sarah at the orthodontist's and now I'm on the way to the store and then pick up Josh at soccer practice at fifteen-hundred hours, over and out.

GK: And now from Fritz Electronics, there's yet another marriage-saving device and that's the home TV robot ----- it sends live pictures of any location in your house direct to your iPhone----

SS: We've got to turn around and go back. I forgot to turn off the stove. I'm sorry.

TR: No, I'll just check and see. (WHINE OF ROBOT MOTOR, TURNING, MOVING, AIMING CAMERA) No, the gas is off.

SS: Who are those people in the kitchen?

TR: Kirsten's friends.

SS: What are they drinking?

TR: Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on them.

GK: And with the purchase of a home TV robot, you get a Fritz digital gas neutralizer. In the old days, outbursts of gas led to contempt and rejection.....

SS: Oh for pity's sake. Oh my god. What have you been eating? Open the windows. I'm going to a hotel.

GK: No more, thanks to the gas neutralizer. Just clip it to your belt and (TR TO HIMSELF: Oh oh, I feel one coming.....) the neutralizer reads the odor in a tenth of a second (HIGH HUM) and emits a mist that will neutralize the one you emitted.

SS: Did you bring me a bouquet of lilacs, Dave?

TR: Uh. No, why?

GK: Get a home TV robot from Fritz, and get absolutely free our digital gas neutralizer. From Fritz Electronics.....everything you need is on the fritz.

(PERKY ELECTRONIC THEME)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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