Antiques, October 8, 2011

The Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN


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Antiques

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GK: And now it's time for Hidden Treasures when we invite a person from our audience to bring up something they found while cleaning out the basement and have it appraised by professional antique dealer, Mr. Calvin Withers.

TR (TIGHT): Hello.

GK: And your name is?

SS: Carolyn Fussell.

GK: From-----

SS: New Hope-----

GK: Good. And what do you have there?

SS: This is a platter I found in my attic which I was cleaning out because my house has been foreclosed, so I'm having to move, which comes right on top of my divorce and my getting laid off from my teaching job, so it's been a tough month, but anyway I found this ceramic thing which at first I thought was just a big Jello-mold but it looks a lot older than that----- anyway-----

GK: Mr. Withers?

TR (TIGHT): Well, your instincts are correct. This is indeed a gelatin mold. And a very rare one. By the scalloping on the rim, and the way the bottom flares out, I can say with some certainty that it dates back to the Ming Dynasty. I would guess about the 15th Century.

SS: (GASP) Oh my gosh.

TR (TIGHT): I can only guess at what it's worth but at a recent auction in New York, a 15th Century pickle dish much smaller than this was sold for two-point-five million dollars.

SS: Oh my gosh.

TR (TIGHT): And that's a conservative estimate.

SS: Oh my gosh! Two-point-five million dollars. Two-point-five million.

TR (TIGHT): Maybe three.

SS: I got it at a yard sale for $16. Three million dollars. Boy, talk about casting your bread upon the waters. Hear that, Kevin? You no-good cheater? Three million bucks, you creep. Hear that, Mr. Kreplach? I'm glad you fired me. Glad. Saves me the trouble of quitting. You can take that lousy cafeteria of yours and just shove it----- (CRASH, GLASS BREAKAGE INTO TINY PIECES, GASP) Oh my gosh.

GK: Boy, when it hit the floor it just sort of blew apart into a thousand pieces.

TR (TIGHT): That type of china from the 15th century is liable to do that.

GK: So there's no repair possible?

TR (TIGHT): No. Just sweep it up and thanks for the memories.

SS (MIDWESTERN): But it's still worth something.

TR (TIGHT): Five, ten bucks. It's dust.

SS (MIDWESTERN): What?!?!

GK: That's all the time we have for Hidden Treasures. Guests from our live audience getting a free appraisal from antiques expert Calvin Withers. Thank you, sir.

TR (TIGHT): It's been my pleasure..

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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