Sailboat, October 8, 2011

The Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN


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Sailboat

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(PIANO)

GK (SINGS): I had faults, I made mistakes,
But I never knew how many
No, I really had no idea
Til there was you.

I'm a fool, I don't know how
To drive a car or put on a party
No, I really had no idea
Til there was you.

Every marriage has its high points and it's rough passages, and my feeling is that when you're going through a rough passage, you should just be polite, don't yell, let some time pass, and things will get better. But I was wrong about that.

SS: You are so addicted to conflict avoidance. Withdrawal. That's your strategy. Concealment. Putting things off. Running away. It's called Avoidance Personality Disorder. And you and I are going to deal with it. I've booked us on a marriage counseling cruise in the Caribbean. Ten days of confrontation in close quarters.

GK: When?

SS: Tomorrow.

GK: Tomorrow? But I've got a whole bunch of deadlines tomorrow-----

SS: See? Conflict avoidance. Well, man up and let's deal with it. (BRIDGE, SURF, GULLS)

TR: Hi, I'm Captain Ricky. Welcome aboard the S.S. Partnership. We're going to head downstairs and start our program right away. Watch your step there. (CREAKING OF RIGGING, SHIP) Here's your bedroom down on the lower floor. Down these stairs.

GK: Don't you refer to that as a cabin?

TR: What as a cabin?

GK: A bedroom---- and wouldn't you say a lower deck---- instead of a lower floor.

SS: What do you know? You're not a sailor.

GK: Well, I know the terminology of a boat, for heaven's sake.

SS: We didn't come here for terminology-----

TR: It's okay-----

GK: I'm just curious why he'd call it a bedroom-----

TR: It's only a word. Call it what you'd like.

SS: All of a sudden you're an expert on sailing????

GK: Language is not unimportant.

TR: Kitchen is right in here-----

GK: You mean the galley?

TR: It's a kitchen.

SS: Where is this coming from?

GK: If he's our captain, I'd like to know that -----

TR: Oh don't worry about that. Ho ho ho ho ho. I've taken the S.S. Partnership out to sea dozens of times. No, this ship practically sails itself. State of the art navigation.....onboard computer-----

GK: Did you say, ship? This is a boat.

SS: You're from Minnesota. What do you know???

GK: It's a boat, not a ship. It's less than 100 feet long for crying out loud.

SS: I am so sorry, Ricky. I apologize. I had no idea he was going to be like this-----

TR: Perfectly okay. Happens all the time. It's called "acting out your aggressions" ----- finding irrelevancies to argue about. I mean, I'm a psychologist. Okay? I deal with this behavior all the time. (CREAKING OF SHIP, WASH OF WAVE) ----- Whoa.....big wave there. (WAVE WHOOSH, CREAKING, ROCKING)

GK: What was that?

TR: Just backwash.

GK: From what?

TR: It's backwash. Anyway let's make ourselves comfortable here in the bedroom and get started. I'd like us to join hands together in a circle of caring......

SS: Take his hand.

GK: I'd rather not.

SS: Just do it.

TR: And we join our hands admitting that some things are beyond our control, and we need a higher power to give us strength, and to help us examine our errors and to make amends......

GK: Are we adrift?

TR: No, of course not.

GK: It feels like we are.

TR: We're tied up to the buoy.

GK: You want me to go topside and check?

TR: Topside?

SS: Do you know what you're doing? You're avoiding the issue. We're here to try to save our marriage----- let Ricky worry about the boat, that's his job-----

TR: It's okay. Everything is okay. Let's just take a deep cleansing breath. (RIPPING OF WOOD, SHOUTS)----

GK: What's that? Backwash?

TR: I'll go up on deck and have a look. Maybe someone bumped into us. Some ship or something....(FOOTSTEPS AWAY)

SS: I just don't understand you. We come here to try to deal with our issues and you're focused on whether a bedroom should be called a cabin. Language is not our problem. The problem is your compulsive avoidance of conflict. Look at me. Look at me.

(WOOD CRUNCH)

GK: What is that? Sounds like trouble. (KLAXON)

SS: Don't change the subject.

GK: I'm not changing it, it's that we're about to crash into something.

SS: Why can't you look me in the eye? (FOGHORN NEARBY) Who is that?

GK: We must be on a reef or something.(BIG WAVE, SHUDDER AND CRACKING) ----- and ----- where are the life preservers? (RUMMAGE)

SS: You're not going to just walk away from this, you know ---- sooner or later, you're going to have to face up to the problem and deal with it. (CRUNCH, CRACK)

GK: Here's a life preserver. Let's go up and head forward. (FOOTSTEPS)

TR: We have a situation up there in the place where the pilot steers-----

GK: The cockpit.

TR: Right. I'm afraid the computer seems to have steered us right straight onto the rocks and the (FOGHORN) ----- anyway, we're probably going to want to take a break in the session and make our way ashore. The ship seems to be in a stressful place right now (ROAR OF WAVES, SEALS OUTSIDE)----- so we can go upstairs and we'll jump out on the rocks -----(JAGGED RIPPING SOUND) I don't want you to panic, but I think the ship is in serious trouble right now.

(BUMP, CRUNCH. KLAXON)

GK: It's not a ship, okay? It's a boat. (CRACK OF MAST BREAKING, SHOUTS OUTSIDE) (STING, BRIDGE) A big wave swept us overboard (WAVE, CRIES) and we landed in a cove and we were rescued by seals (SFX) who let us hang onto their flippers as they paddled to a little beach and there we came ashore and built a fire and (CHOPPER) a helicopter came in to rescue us and that night we got back home.

SS: You distracted him from watching where he was going and the boat ran into the rocks. Face it. That's why we hit the rocks.

GK: The man was an idiot.

TR: Hi. --- I'm over here.

GK: What are you doing here?

TR: I'm here to help and I think it's very healthy that you can share your anger right now.

GK: Get him out of here, honey.

SS: You can't solve anything by running away, okay?

GK: Get him away from me.

TR: I'd like to hear you say, "My name is Larry and I'm addicted to avoidance."

GK: My name is not Larry.

SS: Please. Work with us. Let us help you. (BRIDGE)

GK: Back in Scouts I learned how to set a trap by pulling the top of a tree all the way down to the ground and securing it with a rope and then laying another rope out on the ground in a loop so that when you cut the first rope with an axe the loop catches your victim by the ankle and lifts him up high in the air, and you know something, it works. (SFX SEQUENCE. CHOP, BOINGGGG, TR CRY, SWINGING OF ROPE) Ricky hung upside down and his toupee fell off-----

SS: Oh my gosh. (SHE LAUGHS, THEN LAUGHS HARDER)

GK: The bad toupee and his jowls all hanging there and his shirt hanging open and his belly bouncing, it made her laugh. (SHE LAUGHS HARDER) And after that we were okay. As okay as people can expect to be. Laughter is something we're powerless over. It's the first step in recovery.

(MUSIC)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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