Dog, October 29, 2011

Colorado Springs World Arena

Colorado Springs, CO


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(BIG PIANO OVERTURE, THEN UNDER.....)

GK: All his life Kevin had been ---- different ----- and it didn't matter so much until he met Louise.

SS: This night is so perfect---- The music, the wine, the full moon overhead--- and you---- holding my hand-----

FN: Louise, there's something I need to ask you.

SS: Six. I wear a size six ring.

FN: Would you still love me if I was... different?

SS: Different how?

FN: I'm not like other men, Louise.

SS: I know, Kevin. And that's why I love you.

FN: Louise....when there's a full moon, something happens to me-----

SS: What? My goodness, your hands are shaking---

TR (YOUNG): Hi, I'm Calvin, and I'll be your waiter tonight and by law I am required to tell you the specials, okay?

FN: We know what we want. We'd like the linguini. But could we have a table indoors?

SS: I wanted to sit outdoors, Kevin. It's so beautiful. The moon----

FN: I think I need to be indoors----

SS: But why? It's warm out here, you can see the mountains. And the moon over the mountains-----

FN: Too late. (DEEPER) I'm sorry, Louise. (DEEP GROWL) I am so sorry.

SS: Kevin! What's happening!? (FN MORPHS INTO DOG) You're growing claws! And hair! A little topknot on your head. A tail. It's wagging.

TR (YOUNG): He's turning into a dog....(SMALL BARKS) A poodle! With a little red ribbon on his head. (SMALL BARKS). I'm sorry but we don't allow dogs in here, so---

SS: But it's my boyfriend. (THUMPING LEG, JINGLING) Kevin, stop humping my leg. Down, boy. Down. (BRIDGE)

GK: Later, in the car-----

FN: I'm so sorry about that, Louise. I was trying to tell you. When I look at the full moon, I turn into a werepoodle.

SS: A werepoodle, Kevin?

FN: I used to turn into a werewolf but I went into therapy and they gave me these medications and now-----

SS: A werepoodle----

FN: I meant to tell you. Honest.

SS: So that's why we always went to your house. And the shades were drawn. All those little piles of kibble...

FN: It's a terrible secret and I feel relieved that it's finally out in the open. Though I suppose this means you never want to see me again.

SS: I don't know. I'm just so confused.

FN: I'm in therapy, Louise. And I just need to be careful. If I avoid moonlight and I go to my group meetings, I'm okay. And also carry plastic baggies.

SS: I don't know how to tell you this, Kevin, but ----- I really really liked you.....as a poodle.

FN: You did?

SS: I mean, I liked you before, but when you became a dog, there was something so special about you.

FN: I'm a man, Louise. I'm not a dog. Okay?

SS: I know. It's just that----- I liked you better as a dog.

FN: Louise------

SS: Wanna go outside, Kevin? Wanna go for a W-A-L-K?

FN: Don't.

FN: Louise, I've been trying to overcome this for years----- I'm in treatment-----

SS: Outside! Let's go outside! Yes!

FN: My Werepoodle group would not like this, Louise.

SS: Come. Come on. Come on, Kevin-wevin-wevin-wevin. Mommy wants you to come outside into the moonlight. That's a good boy. (PANTING) That's a good boy. Want me to scratch your tummy, Kevin-wevin-wevin? Do you? I think you do. (BARKS) (BRIDGE)

GK: And so they learned to live with Kevin's disability. It wasn't easy for Kevin, knowing that Louise was actually attracted to his disability. But he found a good therapist whom he saw once a month. At night.

TR (OLD BIG DOG) AND FN (SMALLER DOG) CARRY ON THERAPIST/PATIENT DIALOGUE

GK: They wanted to get married—

SS (WEEPY): I love him. I know he's different. But I love his differentness. And why should the state tell me I cannot marry him? Just because he's a part-time poodle. Who are we hurting? Why are people so threatened by us?? Why??? (DOG BARKS)

GK: Encouraged by Louise, Kevin went off his medications and quit his recovery group. And then instead of turning into a poodle, he---- (SNARLING) turned into a real werewolf.

SS: I know it's weird. But I love you even more like this. (SNARL) You're dangerous. You're wild. I don't know what it says about me and I don't care. (SNARL) I love you, Kevin. I love you just the way you are.

GK: So many werewolves are forced to try to conceal their condition. Louise and Kevin did not.

SS: What are you staring at? Huh? Just because his face is covered with hair and he has fangs and he howls ---- does that make him less of a human being?? (HOWL) I love him. I love everything about him.

GK: Every year at Halloween, Kevin and people just like Kevin come out to show their pride in who they are. Monday night, give generously when someone with hair on his face comes to your door. Instead of candy, how about a New York strip? (SNARL) Rare. (HOWL)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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