GK: Our next guest has come a long way to be with us. (TR OFF: HO HO HO HO HO. JINGLE) And it's a pleasure to welcome him at this very busy time of year for him, I'm sure. (TR OFF: HO HO HO HO HO. JINGLE) As he comes up through the audience here at the Town Hall and patting boys and girls on the heads and spreading his good cheer (TR OFF: HO HO HO HO HO. JINGLE). And we're going to bring him right up here on stage? Watch out for that step, Santa. It's a little (CRUNCH. TR CRY OF PAIN. OHHHH OHHHH OHHHH OHHH.)
GK: You okay, Santa? You're all crunched up. I tried to warn you about that step there.
TR (SANTA): Ohhhhh. My back. Ow ! My god, the pain.
GK: Would you like to sit down?
TR (SANTA): I can't sit. Holy balls of holly it hurts.
GK: Oh boy. You were going to come on and deliver a message of Christmas cheer.
TR (SANTA): Yeah that's not happening.
GK: I'm so sorry about that step.
TR (SANTA): I'm going to have to go sit in a hot bath.
GK: Couldn't you just laugh your famous laugh for the boys and girls out there? They were counting on it.
TR (SANTA): Ohhhh, it hurts when I laugh-----
GK: Here's a gentleman coming up from the audience-----
FN (OFF): Hi. I'm a chiropractor. The name's Chip. Chip Magnuson.
GK: Come on up, Dr. Magnuson.
TR (OFF): I don't know. (FOOTSTEPS) You're really a chiropractor?
FN: Wow. I had no idea I was going to get to make adjustments on Santa.
GK: He needs help.
FN: Would you mind taking a picture of me and Santa? Okay, Santa?
TR (SANTA): Oh boy. Just hurry up.
FN: Would you mind? Here. Just aim and shoot.
GK: Okay. This the shutter here?
FN: No. It's the switch in front. ---- Okay. Mind if I scootch up close here? Okay?
TR (SANTA): Just do it and get it over with.
FN: You get it?
GK: I don't know. The flash didn't go off.
TR (SANTA): Hurry up. I'm dying here.
FN: You have to click that little clicker in back to turn the flash on.
GK: Okay. Smile, Santa.
TR (SANTA): Smile!!!!???? I'm calling my lawyer.
GK: Try to smile. (CLICK) There. Got it.
FN: I'm just going to come around from behind here, and get you in a big bear hug, okay? (LIGHT JINGLING)
TR (SANTA): Ow.
FN: And when I count to three, you're going to let all your air out, and I'm going to twist you like a pretzel. That okay with you?
TR (SANTA): Just do it.
FN: Ready? Here we go. One—Two—
TR (SANTA): God have mercy.
FN: Three! (HUGE CRACKING BACK ADJUSTMENT)
TR (SANTA): AaaaaaaaahhhhhHHHO HO HO HO HO! (BIG JINGLING) HO HO HO HO HO! HO HO HO HO HO!
GK: Thank you, Dr. Magnuson.
FN: My pleasure. (BAND PLAYOFF)
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).