Batten, December 10, 2011

The Town Hall

New York, NY

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Listen (MP3)

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
May the D.A.'s office not indict.
May your debt be renegotiated,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
May you not be hauled before a judge today.

TR: A very Merry Christmas from your friends at Batten, Bicker, Buttress & Bark. Nothing can ruin Christmas like your company coming under indictment. Your CEO sentenced to federal prison. Your shareholders coming after your personal assets.

At Batten, Bicker, Buttress & Bark, we've got your back. We can surround you with weeping grandchildren (SFX) a loyal wife (SFX), hundreds of happy employees (SFX), and impoverished old people grateful for the turkeys you delivered to their homes (SFX), and a friendly old dog named Shep (SFX). So when you say:

FN: I'm sorry, okay?

TR: People believe it, mostly. And they reduce your sentence from 40 years to community service with an ankle bracelet and a hair shirt. And a 40-school speaking tour at area high schools, entitled "What Was I Thinking?"

FN: I can't do that.

TR: You have to.

FN: That's humiliating.

TR: Deal with it.

Through the years
We hope your business prospers,
All your dreams endow
May all your deductions be allowed.
And maybe you should hire an attorney now.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

Available now»

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