Snowman, January 14, 2012

The Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN


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Snowman

Listen (MP3)

(PIANO INTRO, TRAFFIC SOUNDS, SOFT)

GK: I am made of snow basically with two malted milk balls for eyes and a carrot for a nose and I was made by a boy and his father and why I was made, I'm not sure they know, so I don't know. I was made when there was a big snowfall and then it got warm and I almost died but I'm in the shade of a tree so I survived and then they built me back up. And what is the purpose of my existence --- I have yet to find out. I'm immobile and I have no way of communicating, I can only talk to myself, but that doesn't mean I have nothing to say. And that's why I don't think of myself as a "snowman" ---- I think of myself as Pal. That's what the mailman calls me. His name is Bob.

(FOOTSTEPS IN SNOW, PASSING)

TR (SID): How you doing, pal? Nothing for you today. Sorry.

(FOOTSTEPS FADE AWAY)

GK: He's planning to retire in three years and move to Florida and buy a sailboat and sail the Caribbean, but the truth is that he's going to die in two years. You learn a lot when you don't say anything. I just stand here in the yard and people go by and sometimes they stop.

(FOOTSTEPS IN SNOW AND STOP)

SS: Well---- thanks for a wonderful evening.

TR: Did you enjoy it?

SS: I did.

TR: Did you really?

SS: I really did. I never went to a chess tournament before. Lots of interesting people there.

TR: I know it probably seemed awfully slow to you.

SS: No------- I liked that. It was------ very peaceful.

TR: Well, I hope we can do it again sometime.

SS: Go to a chess tournament?

TR: No----- go out. You know. A movie or something. You like sci-fi?

SS: My brother does.

TR: Oh. Maybe he'd like to come with.

SS: On a date?

TR: Bad idea, huh?

SS: Well------ I should go in. It's getting late.

TR: Let's hang out sometime.

SS: Sure.

TR: You want to?

SS: Sure.

TR: You sure?

SS: Sure.

TR: Okay. See ya.

SS: See ya.

GK: My sense is that I don't have a long time in this world, but I don't know what that means, so I don't think about it. What do I think about? I think about my feet. Do I have feet? I can't look down. I saw myself once reflected in a car window that parked here and I was sort of surprised. I thought I was better-looking than that. I look kind of lumpy. I was glad when the car pulled away. Oh no. No no no. (DOG APPROACHES, PANTING, COLLAR JINGLING) Get away! Get out of here. Don't do that here—(DOG PEES ON SNOWMAN, LEAVES) Oh great.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH SNOWMAN AND STOP)

TR (SID): Hey pal. What happened? Looks like you wet your pants. (HE LAUGHS HARD, AS HE WALKS AWAY) Wet your pants. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Wet your pants. I love it.

GK: Maybe I will find a way to tell Bob he doesn't have long in this world. (GEESE FLY OVERHEAD) Wish I could look up. Sounds like somebody's having a party. I can see their shadows. It looks like they're waving. They want me to come with them. Maybe someday I will. I don't eliminate the possibility.

AS (OFF): Hey!

GK: Who you talking to?

AS (OFF): You.

GK: Who are you?

AS (OFF): I'm in the yard next door.

GK: I can't see that way.

AS (OFF): I can see you.

GK: You're not one of them, are you?

AS (OFF): No, I'm one of us. Like you.

GK: Made of snow?

AS (OFF): Yes.

GK: What's your name?

AS (OFF): Brenda.

GK: There's something different about you.

AS (OFF): I was going to say the same thing about you.

GK: I wish we were closer. I wish I could see you.

AS (OFF): I'm short and fat.

GK: Makes no difference to me. You're the first one I've met. I'm excited. I feel like I'm melting.

AS (OFF): Be cool.

GK: I'm trying.

AS (OFF): Marry me.

GK: What does that mean?

AS (OFF): Whatever we want it to mean.

GK: Well, why not? Maybe that is the purpose of my life. To be with you. So you're not alone.

AS (OFF): Shhhh. Here they come.

(FOOTSTEPS IN THE SNOW)

GK: Who?

AS (OFF): The boy and girl.

GK: Oh. Is she still dating him?

TR: Thanks for coming out to supper. Did you have fun? I did. I hope you didn't mind going for pizza.

SS: It was okay. I like the library, too.

TR: Really?

SS: Really. I'm so glad you like the library.

TR: I love the library.

SS: Me too.

TR: Can I tell you something:

SS: What?

TR: You won't get mad, will you?

SS: No---

TR: Could I kiss you?

SS: Sure. Wow.

(WHUMP, SOFT CRUNCH)

TR: Oh I'm sorry ----

SS: What?

TR: Did I step on your foot?

SS: No----

TR: OH OH. Look what I did. I knocked that snowman's head off.

SS: Kiss me.

(HUM)

GK: I can see the sky. The whole sky. I can see it.

CANTUS (SINGS): IN THE SWEET BYE AND BYE

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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