Snowman, February 11, 2012

The Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN


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Snowman

Listen (MP3)

(PIANO INTRO, TRAFFIC SOUNDS)

GK: When people walk by a snowman such as myself, they tend not to make eye contact and who can blame them? I am just a pile of round chunks of snow sort of iced over with two buttons for eyes and a tennis ball for a nose and I'm sort of expressionless, but it doesn't mean I don't feel things. I sense what people are thinking sometimes as they walk past me.

(FOOTSTEPS, WITH SOME URGENCY)

TR: I've got to pee SO BAD. Why didn't I go when I was at Jennifer's house? Aiyiyi. (FADES AWAY)

GK: It's this odd thing about water, which is what I am, mostly, same as humans ----- the thing about water is that it picks up vibrations, senses energy-- and so everytime someone passes me ----- I feel something.

(FOOTSTEPS IN SNOW, PASSING)

TR (INTERIOR): Tonight's the night!!! Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

SS (INTERIOR): What am I doing with this jerk? Why can't I dump him?

TR (SINGS TO HIMSELF): Oh yeah. I can tell. She wants me. Oh yeah!

SS: What if I just run as fast as I can---

(FOOTSTEPS)

GK: When my head was knocked off a couple weeks ago, I got a look at the sky and the ground and when they put it back on the wrong way, I saw across the street, but otherwise I look at that green wooden house where a man lives who sometimes stands in his front window and plays an air guitar and sings----

PD: (W ELECTRIC GUITAR, SINGS)
I see the bad moon arising.
I see trouble on the way.
I see earthquakes and lightnin'.
I see bad times today.

Don't go around tonight,
Well, it's bound to take your life,
There's a bad moon on the rise.

SS (OFF): Honey, what are you doing??

PD: Nothing----

SS (OFF): Are you okay??

PD: Just fine-------(SINGS, SOFTLY) There's a bad moon on the rise.

SS (OFF): What???

PD: Nothing.

GK: I don't know if they're happy or not. Hard to tell. My best friend these days is a spruce tree lying on the ground by the curb. She used to stand in their front window, with colored lights all over her, and now she's dying.

SS (TREE): I don't know what the lights were about. Seemed to make them happy. Didn't do much for me. Made me dry and feverish. Now I guess I'm waiting for someone to haul me away. Not much of a life.

GK: Well, at least we can talk.

SS (TREE): Talk about what?? We will never know any more than we know right now, which is dirt. That's it.

GK: Don't be so down all the time.

SS (TREE): I AM down. Look at me. I would give anything for water. I wish you'd melt a little.

GK: And not far away is another snow person who I can barely see who somebody put a big hat on and ever since she's been singing-----

HM (SINGS): (LA SNOWMAN)
Para bailar la snowman,
Para bailar la snowman,
Arriba y arriba
Y arriba y arriba, por ti sere,

Snowman, snowman, snowman, snowman
Snowman, snowman
Snowman.

GK: You singing to me????

HM: AT LAST YOU NOTICED!!!!

GK: What's on your hat?

HM: BANANAS! ORANGES! FLOWERS!

GK: Real ones??

HM: REAL TO ME!!! YOU SHOULD GET A HAT!!! IT CHANGES EVERYTHING!!! I USED TO BE SAD LIKE YOU AND NOW I'M A SINGER!!!
(HM SINGS)
I may be made of snow
But I can shake my hips, you know.
Shake it once and shake it twice.
Hey baby, come and melt my ice.
(SHE VOCALIZES, FADING)

GK: The other day the mailman came by with a long box which he opened and showed to me.

TR (SID): Hey. You ever see flowers? Probably not. --- Nice, huh. ---- Guy in that house ordered them for his wife after she got so mad at him. She was gonna throw him out. So----- flowers are cheaper than a hotel room. Right? Okay. You take care now. See you tomorrow.

(FOOTSTEPS AWAY)

GK: Tomorrow. I don't think about it. Here they come---- haven't seen them for awhile.

(FOOTSTEPS IN SNOW AND STOP)

SS: Thank you for a wonderful evening, Brian.

TR: Did you enjoy it?

SS: I did.

TR: Did you really?

SS: Of course. Why do you always ask me that?

TR: I never knew anyone who enjoyed being with me before.

SS: Well, I do. I hope we can do it again soon.

TR: How about tomorrow night?

SS: I'd like that.

TR: Are you sure?

SS: Of course I'm sure.

TR I mean, if you change your mind, you can just text me and let me know. And it doesn't have to be, like, a date or anything, we can just hang out.

SS: I want to date you, Brian. And there's one more thing.

TR: What?

SS: I want you to kiss me.

TR: Now? Really?

SS: Yes, now.

TR: Here? But what if people see us?

SS: I don't care.

TR: I don't know about this.

SS: Come here.

GK: And she pulled him close to her and she put her face right up to his and they touched and I felt very strong remarkable feelings right then. I felt light coming out of the top of my head. I'm snow and yet I trembled.

HM: ALL YOU NEED IS A HAT!!!! (SHE SINGS)
Arriba y arriba
Y arriba y arriba, por ti sere,

HM & GK:
Snowman, snowman, snowman, snowman
Snowman, snowman
Snowman. (AND A CHORD)

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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