Rhubarb, March 31, 2012

Milwaukee Theatre

Milwaukee, WI


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Rhubarb

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GK: April Fool's Day comes and you're all set ----- you've got the snake in the can----- SS: Oh thank you, Greg. What's this? (SFX, SS SHRIEK) ----- you've got the red-hot chili pepper chewing gum ---- TR (TEEN): Gee thanks, Uncle Greg. (CHEWING, GASPS OF PAIN) ----- you've got the realistic rubber dog feces ----- SS: What's this under the chair? Ewwwwwwwwwww----- You put a rubber band around the kitchen sprayer, so when your wife goes to wash her hands (SPRAY, SS CRY------ Greg!!!! Cut it out!!!!). You glue a dollar to the sidewalk in front of the old folks' home so the old guy goes out (TR GEEZER EXCITEMENT) and bends over and (BIG RIP)—Good times. You put a balloon over the tailpipe of the neighbor's car (FN: Bye, Thorny!) so when he starts it up (BANG!) (TR: Whoaaaaaaa!!!) You put Saran Wrap over the toilet bowl (WATER DRIPPING, SS: Oh my god, what have I just done), ---- April Fool's Day.

But this year April Fool's Day falls on a Sunday and (ORGAN) you go to St. Wendell's for the early service ----- not too many people there, just you and a fat lady and Father Bob ----- and you do the confession of sin, things done, things undone ----- TR: THE LORD BE WITH YOU. FN, SS: And also with you. ----- and you do the exchange of peace. (TR: Peace. FN: Peace. SS: Peace.) ----- and you kneel at the altar and Father Bob swings the incense in its little brass canister (SWINGING CHAIN, TR: The Lord be with you)

GK: ...and you're blinded by smoke (COUGHING) and so is he and he throws the censer and you catch it (OUCH) and in your shock (LONG FART) you pass gas directly into a candle (WHOOSH OF FLAME) and you jump back and crash into the fat lady (SPLORT, SS: HEY) who happens to be carrying a gun (GUNSHOT) and it hits the chandelier (SFX FALLING, CRASH) which falls on the organ (BIG LOUD CHORD, AND CRUNCH) and the organist leaps up (TR LOUD HIGH CRY) and runs into the marble baptismal font (SMACK, TR OHHHHHH) which goes rolling down the aisle (SFX) and out the front door (SFX, SMASH) and down the steps (SFX) and out in the street (CAR BRAKES, HONKS) and a truck swerves to avoid it (SFX) and comes up the steps and hits the church (CRASH, EXPLOSION) and Father Bob is so shocked he starts speaking in tongues (TR ITALIAN GIBBERISH) even though he's Episcopalian.

(THEME)

GK: Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie? Yes nothing gets the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth like Beboparebop Rhubarb Pie and Rhubarb pie filling.

(RHUBARB THEME)

But one little thing can revive a guy,
And that is a piece of rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.

DUET:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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