ELCA, April 14, 2012

The Town Hall

New York, NY


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ELCA

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GK: ... after this message from the Evelyn Lundberg Counseling Agency... the ELCA.

SS (EVELYN): Well it's April and that means that you college seniors have about six weeks until we throw you into the job market and see if you sink or swim. Let me give you a few tips. Do not bring a skateboard to your job interview. And don't wear those shoes with the little wheels that pop out of them. And turn off your phone ----- your Dog Bark ringtone is not a great recommendation. Okay. Girls---- I know this is going to sound harsh, but do not bring a large stuffed animal with you to your interview, no matter how comforting it is. Leave it in the car. Ironic t-shirts are another no-no. Do not ---- I repeat ----- do not wear a baseball cap backwards or forwards. A long-sleeve shirt takes care of the arm tattoos but the one crawling up your neck onto your face is going to be a problem. You go into an interview with a scarf, they're apt to think you're a dance major. And let's talk about your major in Media Studies. Why did you do that? You've been studying media since you were two years old. Study something else. Same with "Communications"-- I mean what is that? ---- An interviewer looks at your resume and sees Communications Major and he thinks, Oh boy----- Communications is the major for people who want a degree but they don't want to cut down on drinking. And then he looks at your job experience and he sees that word "coordinate" ---- you "coordinated" the play activities of children, you "coordinated" the communication interface with real -time customers -

SS: -- that means you stood on a street corner dressed as a chicken and handed out fliers for a pizza shop------- you're not fooling anybody there. Come on, people! Grow up! Communications, My Aunt Fanny. I'd like to coordinate my hand to slap you across the face. Wake up and smell the latte and quit looking at your bellybutton and get your butt in gear. The free ride is over. Welcome to the world. And English majors???? Don't get me started. You paid $20,000 a year for that? All you need is a library card. Oh boy. Me? What did I major in? We're not talking about me.

GK: A message from Evelyn Lundberg, from the Evelyn Lundberg Counseling Agency, the ELCA.

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