Methodist Blues, May 5, 2012

State Theatre

Minneapolis, MN


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Methodist Blues

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Been going to church since I was a boy
Now I'm old and I'm low on joy
I feel tired, is there something I missed?
Or is it just that I'm Methodist?
I got the Methodist blues.

Sit in the sanctuary Sunday morn
Minister talks about being reborn
I've got a load of guilt that I've been carryin
I wonder if I shoulda been Unitarian

The organ is soupy and the pastor is bland
Leave afterward and I shake his hand
Sometimes I'd like to shake my fist
That's what it's like to be Methodist
I got the Methodist blues.

Lot of odd people sitting in the pews
Want the sermon to reflect their views
Some of these Christians, they are the rudest
Maybe I ought to try being Buddhist?

People gossip about who did what,
The ladies circle is a pain in the butt.
Want to slap their face or at least their wrist
But I can't cause I am a Methodist
I got the Methodist blues

It's not easy being Methodist.
Troubles? We got a whole long list
We're too rational, too Socratic.
I wish we were charismatic.

We're not big on shows and dances,
Mixed drinks or big romances
I've been hugged but never French kissed
At least not by a Methodist
I got the Methodist blues

The same ten people always volunteer,
Half of them old, the others just weird,
I got the blues and I'm getting more bluish
Maybe Jewish?

Everyone's afraid of change.
Don't like anything new or strange.
Or we get our underwear in a twist
That's how it is with a Methodist
I got the Methodist blues

God put us here to serve a mission
But we spend big bucks to air condition.
And in winter we heat it to make it uterine
I could be Lutheran.

We were founded by John Wesley,
Not Chuck Berry or Elvis Presley,
We're not so hip but we persist
We go on being Methodist
We got the Methodist blues

When we die and go up in the air
St. Peter will hold out a diadem
And say, Shhhh there are Baptists in there
They thought it'd just be them
And if a Baptist you happen to meet
They may regard you as a former
But we've got Catholics across the street
And Muslims right around the corner.

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