Fritz, June 9, 2012

Shreveport Municipal Auditorium

Shreveport, LA

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Listen (MP3)

GK: Here's a message for you old-timers ----- it's embarrassing to go around and not be able to put a name to a face. And it happens a lot.

SS: Kevin?

FN: Patrick.

SS: Oh. Right. Sorry.

FN: That's okay, Jennifer.

SS: Maia.

FN: Oh right. Of course.

GK: So you try to pretend you know people's names.

FN: Oh. Hi.

SS: Hey. Great to see you.

FN: How you been?

SS: Great. And you?

FN: Fine.

GK: But they know you don't remember them.

SS: My name is Marsha, by the way.

FN: I know you! What? You think I didn't know you?

SS: It's okay. It doesn't matter.

GK: But it does matter. And you can solve the problem with a face-recognition chip from Fritz Electronics. Simply clip the chip to your shirt pocket and snake the wire up to your ear. It looks like a hearing aid but it's a database holding up to 10,000 photo images of everyone in your yearbook, Facebook friends, family, everyone you ever knew , so when you go to the class reunion-----

TR: Hi! Remember me?

SS (ROBOT): Barry Halper.

FN: Barry Halper!

TR: That's incredible. You remember me?

FN: You haven't changed a bit.

TR: Wow. Who are you?

FN: Me? Who am I?

TR: Who are you?

FN: Well----- um-------- you mean me------

GK: And you can't come up with your own name. Premature dementia. No problem with the face-recognition chip. Just aim it at yourself.

SS (ROBOT): Fred Newman.

FN: I'm Fred Newman.

TR: Hey!!! Great.

GK: The face scanner, from Fritz Electronics. Just 49.99, available in stores only, not online.

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