Rhubarb, June 16, 2012

Cuthbert Amphitheater

Eugene, OR


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Rhubarb

Listen (MP3)

GK: So it's summer, a beautiful time except for those painful memories of water-skiing last summer.

TR: Oh no—

GK: What a disaster. You had a hard time staying upright. Then when you did, you dropped the towrope.

TR: Embarrassing.

GK: And then you fell and forgot to drop the towrope and you swallowed sixteen gallon of water and you got algae poisoning.

TR: They'll never let me forget it.

GK: Your loud brother-in-law mentions it every time you see him.

FN: Want to see the video I made of Bernie water-skiing? Boy. I've seen that video fifty times and every time it cracks me up. I put it up on YouTube. Did I tell you that? It's gotten 300,000 views . Bernie with that look of terror on his face ---- ha ha ha ha ha ----- and he trips and falls and he HOLDS ONTO THE ROPE ---- oh my gosh ------ HE HOLDS ONTO THE ROPE ----- unbelievable ----- who wants to see that again? Raise your hands. (STING)

GK: It was traumatic. That's why you were hitting the bottle last fall.

TR: (KIRK) Another Scotch on the rocks!!!!

GK: That's why you lost your job.

SS: Pastor Bernie, we on the church council were troubled by last Sunday's sermon when you started dancing in the pulpit. Or as you said, "shaking your moneymaker" -----

GK: That's when Louise asked for a separation.

TR: I need some space, Bernie. I need to be me.

GK: You went to a hypnotist who had you stand on water skis, holding a towbar, and repeating your mantra.

SS: It matters not.....

TR (HYPNOTIC): It matters not how rough the lake, Or if the boat gets out of control....

SS: I am the master.....

TR (HYPNOTIC): I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

GK: And now you're on the lake. The same lake, the same boat. And the same brother-in-law in the boat (FN: HEY BERNIE, GOT THE VIDEO CAMERA HERE.....MAKE IT GOOD), you're crouched in the water, holding the tow rope (TR TO HIMSELF: Master of my fate, captain of my soul) ---- ski tips above water---- you give him the thumbs up, and (BIG REV), he hits the gas and pulls you up, and you're hanging on (SFX), rising out of the water (MOTOR)—and you're doing it! You're water-skiing! Skimming across the water and you cross the wake of the boat (BUMPY WAKE CROSS), and then you cross back (SFX), and you hit some chop (SFX) but you make it through and then your brother-in-law swerves the boat sharply and you get whipped all the way to one side (SFX) but you stay up (MOTOR),—you're still up--- and then you see another boat crossing over from your left (SFX) and a girl in a red bikini skiing behind it (WHEEE) and you are whipping right into the path of her (TR ALARM, SS SCREAM, RAPID WINDING SFX OF TWO SKIERS WHIPPING AROUND EACH OTHER, THEN KONK OF HEADS) ----- and you're tied to each other by a hundred yards of plastic rope ----- and it's Louise. Your wife.

SS: I need space, Bernie. Go away.

(THEME)

GK: Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie? Yes, nothing gets the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth like Beboparebop rhubarb pie and rhubarb pie filling.

(RHUBARB SONG)

But one little thing can revive a guy,
And that is a piece of rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot,
Maybe things aren't as bad as you thought.

DUET:
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.
Mama's little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Beebopareebop Rhubarb Pie.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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