SFX, September 15, 2012

The Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN


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GK: A man is sitting in his kitchen, listening to the faucet drip. (DRIP) He's just read an article about West Nile disease that says it can be transmitted from mammal to mammal. (CAT MEOW) His cat is Egyptian. (DRIPPING CONTINUES) He's had this cat for thirteen years. The man lives alone with the cat ever since his girlfriend left him after the bad day at the nuclear power plant. (MEOW) Someone had to go back in and lower those radioactive rods into the cooling tanks. But it made his eyes glow and his skin turned orange and every morning (GEIGER COUNTER) he does a reading on himself and sees that he is hazardous. He has no health insurance. All he has is a cat. (CAT MEOW) The symptoms of West Nile disease include nausea (GROAN, SWALLOW) and flatulence (WHOOPEE) and delusional thinking (CHAMPAGNE CORK POP, POURING. TR FRENCH WAITER. SS FRENCH: O mon amour, I love you I love you I love you. You are the light of my life, you are the music of my soul. LA VIE EN ROSE) and he wonders if he has the disease, in addition to his radioactivity.

SK: Hey. ---- You. ---- Mr. Hairball.

(MEOW)

SK: Yeah. You. Notice anything different about me? ---- Huh? ---- You'd tell me if you did, wouldn't you? ----- Speak. ---- Say something.

GK: He is in quarantine. If he steps out the door of his apartment----- (WHOOPING ALARM) ---- red lights flash and the health police come. For this man, the Internet is everything. The Internet and the cat are his entire life. Facebook is where he puts his music for people to hear.

SK: Thirty-two friends. That's no bad. A man can take some satisfaction from that. Touching the lives of thirty-two people. Hope they like this one. (HE SINGS, WITH ELECTRIC PIANO)

I see you there in the window
Great big old horse fly.
It's fall and you've got nowhere to go
And you know you're going to die.
But still you buzz.
You keep buzzin.
Once you was,
Then you wasn't.

I could put you out of your misery with one great SWAT.
But I have decided I will not.

(MUSIC BUTTON, OLD TIME TRUMPET WITH MUTE)

(MEOW)

Thank you.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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