GK: There was a story last week in the St. Paul Pioneer Press saying that Prescott, Wisconsin had broken the record for World's Biggest Sausage with a 52-foot bratwurst and then the paper got a deluge of emails and phone calls from Dallas, Wisconsin, about their 135-foot weiner and there was a fierce back and forth about whether that should count since Prescott had a bun for their sausage and Dallas did not.
It gave a person hope for the newspaper business: if you print what people are really interested they will want to read it. Syria, no; economics, no no no; wieners, yes.
Walker Art Center in Minneapolis, once the home of the avant-garde back when there was one, in their permanent collection you find Jasper Johns, Hopper Warhol, Chuck Close, Giacomette, and so on ---- but one night this summer they drew 10,000 people to a Cat Video Festival ---- people's videos of their cats ---- what lessons do we draw from this?
GK: Out on the street in front of the theater right now is a truck with a tank on the flatbed, a tank containing 3000 gallons of tapioca pudding, and standing on the roof of the theater about to dive into the tank is a naked woman holding a chimpanzee. (CHIMP)
SS: I'm actually wearing a bathrobe.
GK: Okay but you will be naked when you dive, right? (PAUSE)
TR: Yes, she will be.
GK: You are her manager?
TR: That is correct.
GK: Okay. You're not going to take the chimp with you, are you?
SS: I am, yes. She'll be fine.
GK: Okay, but it's a long way down.
SS: We've done this many times before.
TR: There's just one thing ---- you paid us $500 for the dive, but we need an additional $100 for the chimp and $500 for the nudity.
GK: I thought we had a deal.
TR: The deal was that she dives into the pudding, but the others are add-ons.
GK: Another $500? I wish you'd brought this up before.
TR: You didn't ask. And we didn't know it was tapioca.
SS: I have a food allergy.
TR: It gives her hives, so right after she dives, we have to drive her to a hospital for five cc's of Alivatrol.
GK: Which hospital?
TR: St. Ives.
GK: So 500 for the dive----
TR: Plus 500 for loss of privacy. And 100 for Ivan.
GK: The chimp. Okay, it's a deal, $1100.
TR: We'd like that in cash or a cashier's check.
GK: Okay----- Dan!!!!
GK: You up there on the roof?
GK: You got $1100 bucks on you?
GK: Give it to the lady in the bathrobe----
TR: Here, I'll take it.
DR: He said the lady in the bathrobe.
TR: I'm her manager.
DR: Sorry, I'm supposed to----- wow.
GK: What is it?
DR: You want me to give it to the naked lady?
GK: I'm sorry, what?
TR: I'll take that.
DR: No, you won't. (STRUGGLE) (DR LONG FALLING CRY, ENORMOUS SPLORT)
TR: He fell in the pudding.
GK: You got the money?
TR: No. He's got it.
GK: So she's not going to jump----
TR: He's down there.
GK: Okay. Never mind. Forget the whole thing. (BAND PLAY OFF)
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).