English, October 20, 2012

The Fitzgerald Theater

Saint Paul, MN


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GK: .....brot to you by Hellervik, the name to trust when it comes to Personal Motivation. The Hellervik family left Norway to come to America because they were motivated to be positive and proactive, and also they were vitamin-D deficient. Norwegians tended to be dark and gloomy (NORSK DIMNESS), the Norwegians of the North ---- in Oslo, of course they were practically like French (SENSITIVE NORSK), but the ones in the North were stoics (NORSK DARK) and the Hellerviks came here to change their tune.

(BRIGHT PIANO INTRO)

TR (SINGS, LIGHTLY, CLEARLY): You've got to accentuate the positive Eliminate the negative....

GK: People in Tromso or Narvik would laugh at you if you said that.

TR (SINGS "Accentuate the Positive" IN NORSK).

GK: So they came here and founded Hellervik House. Hellervik is Norwegian for "the people who live on rocks". And Hellervik House is all about motivating employees to work harder and more efficiently through shame and passive aggressive intimidation. The Norwegian way.

TR (MINN): There is no excuse for sitting around on your hinder and bellyaching about how you wish things were different. No, sir. Get to work and keep working until you get the job done and if you can't do it someone else will.

GK: Hellervik House motivates employees through a system of punishments and rewards.

TR (MINN): You do a good job and we reward you with a big plate of fried herring. Oh boy. That sure hits the spot. And if you slack off, then no herring for you. No sir. Cry all you want to. No herring.

GK: Hellervik House can help you make your organization more effective. How? By hiring more Norwegians.

TR (MINN): We're good honest people and nobody works harder. Why? Because we don't enjoy pleasure, that's why. We don't enjoy weekends, vacations, you name it. Pile more work on us, we're happy. Just make sure you don't pay us too much money.

GK: Norwegians. Get as many as you need through Hellervik House.

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