Luther, November 10, 2012

Auditorium Theatre of Roosevelt University

Chicago, IL


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Luther

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GK: Happy birthday, Pastor Luther.

TR: Martin. Pastor Martin. Please.

GK: Happy birthday......

TR: Thank you but when you get to be almost 600 years old, it's not as happy as it used to be.

GK: I'm surprised to be able to talk to you. I thought you were a statue, but here you are, alive.

TR: That's true of a lot of Lutherans. We look like statuary and then we turn out to be alive. Unless we aren't.

GK: So how do you feel about it now, looking back at the 16th Century?

TR: Well, I honored the Holy Roman Church. I still do. I only tried to set them on the right path of the gospel and they wouldn't accept that. So we were delivered from the Roman church. But when you have been delivered from one evil, seven others take their place.

GK: So you think the Reformation was a bad thing.

TR: I'm only saying that sin is sin and people seem to find it wherever they go. Vern few people do good works unless they know somebody's looking. If they were persecuted, they'd give up the faith in a moment.

GK: You sound a little cynical.

TR: Well, when you've been around for five hundred years, you see things a little too clearly. I gave up on preaching towards the end. It just never got through to people. What blockheads. (MUTTERING IN GERMAN) I told Katie to sell the house in Wittenberg and let's move to Chicago. But Chicago didn't exist yet, so we never got to go. What's it like?

GK: It's a great city. You'd like it.

TR: And is it true that there are bears there and that they play football?

GK: Well, that depends on which Sunday you go.

TR: They play on Sunday? On the Lord's Day?

GK: They do.

TR: Well, for all they learn at church, I suppose it doesn't really matter. How's the beer?

GK: It's okay. Better than it used to be.

TR: Used to be when?

GK: Ten, twenty years ago.

TR: If there's good beer, then there's hope. And ham and potatoes?

GK: They've got that, too.

TR: Sausage? Bratwurst? Knockwurst?

GK: As popular as ever.

TR: You know that's the best way to drive the devil away.

GK: What?

TR: To fart in his face.

GK: I'll remember that.

TR: Pull my little finger. Go ahead. Do it. (FART)

GK: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARTIN LUTHER.

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