Rhubarb, December 1, 2012

The Town Hall

New York, NY


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Rhubarb

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GK: So you live in Duluth, and it's okay (WINTER, WOLF), even winter is all right, and the steep hills (SPINNING TIRES), and the ice, and the bears wandering into town in the spring (SFX), and Lake Superior which is too cold to swim in (FN GATHERS UP COURAGE, DIVES IN, SCREAMS), but one day you find it hard to pee (FN: OH BOY), and they do an MRI (SFX) and discover a cyst on your kidney and they operate (VENT) and it turns out okay (SS: We got it all, Mr. Torgeson, and it's non-malignant), but it's just the hint of mortality you need to decide to pull up stakes and hire some movers (TRUCK BACKS UP) and sell what you don't want on eBay—

TR (STONER): Hi. I'm here about the futon.

GK: And your pals throw a party (DRUNKEN REVELREY)—you sell your car (CAR SPUTTERS OFF), you put the dog in a crate (SFX) and you fly off to New York City (SFX) ---- to one-room apartment in Brooklyn, (SQUEAKY DOOR), which looks out at the elevated part of the F train (TRAIN PASSING), but there's a great coffee shop down the street (ESPRESSO), so you hang out there and the radiators are so noisy (SFX)— and the saxophonist next door (SFX) you don't notice the F train so much except when it stops (BRAKES), so life is good. You walk your dog every morning (SFX) and one day you're at Prospect Park and there are two people walking behind you. (SFX). And you can't really hear what they're saying until they get up pretty close, and then you can make it out.

SS (NYER): Who's that?

TR (NYER): Guy from Duluth.

SS (NYER): Duluth???? You're kidding.

TR (NYER): Keep your voice down. Anyway that's what Doris said. She lives right across the street from him. The guy's got no windowshades.

SS (NYER): Oh boy.

TR (NYER): He wears boxers with hockey sticks on them and it says Duluth.

SS (NYER): Oh boy.

TR (NYER): Hey, Sandy----

SS (NYER): What? (WHISPERING) What are you whispering for? ---- He can't hear us. Huh? Oh well.

GK: Wouldn't this be a good time for a piece of Rhubarb Pie? Yes, nothing gets the taste of shame and humiliation out of your mouth like Beoparebop Rhubarb Pie and Rhubarb Pie Filling.

(THEME)

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