GK: You're busy Sunday morning, got the Sunday Times to read, the TV talk shows, brunch with friends, and a 90-minute church service ---- there just isn't time. Unless you subscribe to Micro Life, creators of LOL, Lutherans On Line. (COMPUTER CLICKS. BEEP) Lutherans On Line is the sacred software that lets each person worship at his or her own pace. You go online (CLICKS) and you can click onto the worship icon (CLICK: (CHANT) Holy Holy Holy) and you can get the Scripture reading or you can skip that (FAST FORWARD) and skip the sermon ("My brothers and sisters, as Mark's Gospel makes so clear FAST FORWARD) and scroll to the end (FAST FORWARD SLOWS. "In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen") ..... and you go to Confession of Sins (ELECT. VOICE: You have sinned!) and you click on forgiveness (DING) and you scroll past the announcements (RAPID CLICKS) and it's communion time. You just click on the wine icon (CLICK) and click on the wafer (CLICK) and you get the benediction (ELECT VOICE: Go in peace.), and you're done. Four minutes. (ORGAN) Lutherans On Line. It's got everything but the hotdish.
MICRO LIFE, also creators of the Cyber sailboat-----
(GULLS. CREAK OF RIGGING) Just slip the floppy into the hard drive and press Control S to program the spinnaker. (SAIL BILLOWS) And if someone falls overboard (SFX), just click on Save. (ANXIETY) No, you clicked on Send, not Save. Oh boy.
FN (ELECT VOICE): You have performed an illegal operation...
GK: Oh oh. And look up ahead. (BIG BOAT HORN)
FN: What do I do now?
GK: Better go back to Lutherans On Line. Say a prayer.
GK: That's the digital prayer. But the old analog prayer maybe works better----
FN: Please! help!!! (BOAT HORN CLOSER)
GK: Start with confession ----
FN: I know we haven't talked for awhile----
GK: A little praise----
FN: I know you can handle this one—
GK: A sense of resignation----
FN: But hey, whatever you want----
GK: And be specific about your needs.
FN: Don't let it hit me! (BIG BOAT HORN)
GK: And when it doesn't hit you, remember to say thanks.
FN: Hey. Preciate it.
GK: Lutherans On Line, from Micro Life.
Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).