Survival, January 19, 2013

ASU Gammage

Tempe, AZ


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Survival

Listen (MP3)

TR (W GK ECHO): Survival.....On.....The Desert. (SNAKE RATTLE)

TR: You're driving across Arizona at night. (SFX) You're struck by the beauty of the desert.....the stars.....the terrain.

GK: Wow. What an experience. It's almost supernatural. I think I'll get off this paved road and try one of these little dirt roads. (CAR TURN, SQUEAL, CAR ON GRAVEL, BUMPY ROAD)

TR: You drive over a hill and over another hill and now the road seems to have disappeared. (GK: Oh oh.) You head for what seems to be a road and it's a dry creek bed, full of big rocks, and you drive over one (BWANGGGG) and it knocks a hole in your gas tank and your car explodes in flames (SFX). You escape (RUNNING FOOTSTEPS) but the car is a total loss. And now you forget which way the highway is.

GK: Oh gosh.

TR: You try to follow your tire tracks but a sandstorm comes up suddenly (SFX) and blows the sand smooth. And now the sun is coming up. You lie down to rest. (GK: I'll just take a little nap.) And when you wake up, the sun is overhead and it's getting hot.

GK: And I'm getting thirsty. Darn. Should've brought a canteen.

TR: Your first priority is to find shade. Get out of the sun.

GK: Right. Get out of the sun. (FOOTSTEPS) Wow. There's a cave in those boulders. (RATTLESNAKES) Or maybe not. Hey---- I'll crawl under the burnt-out chassis of my car. (FOOTSTEPS)

TR: Okay. You've found shade. Now you need to find water.

GK: Water, water. Hey--- I remember from Boy Scouts ---- you cut open a cactus and get water.

TR: So you get out your lug wrench and you smash a cactus (BLOWS, SQUORTS) and you grab the wet pulp and you suck the juice out of it (SFX) and now you need to cover your head and neck and look for shelter before the sun goes down.

(FOOTSTEPS)

GK: Wow. In luck again. There's a shack in that little arroyo there. I can hole up there until the rescue party comes. (CREAK OF DOOR) Hmmm. This door is all rusted shut. (CREAK, OPEN) All dark in here. (CHITTER OF SCORPIONS) Full of spiders and scorpions.

SS (DEMENTED): Who are you?

GK: I'm lost. Car burned up.

SS (DEMENTED): You're not from the government, are you?

GK: No.

SS (DEMENTED): You're not one of those government liberals, are you?

GK: Nope.

SS (DEMENTED): Cause if you are, I'll sic my dog on you. (LOW SNARL) Habla espanol?

GK: Don't know what you're asking me, ma'am?

SS (DEMENTED): You ain't one of them gays, are you? Are you?

GK: No.

SS (DEMENTED): Then how come you don't seem to be attracted to me? Huh?

GK: Not attracted to you because I can see that you eat rodents, ma'am. And that makes for bad breath.

SS (DEMENTED): What you got against eating rodents? You want to come in here and share my shelter, I want to see you eat that rat. (SFX)

TR: When dealing with a person who is clearly demented, go along with their demands, even if you find them repugnant----

GK: What? I will not.

TR: I think you better.

GK: I am not going to eat a rat.

TR: If you cannot, then do something to distract them.

GK: Wow, look out there, it's a United Nations peacekeeping force-----

SS (DEMENTED): What? Why those dirty----- (SHOTGUN BLASTS) go away, you dang Norwegians----

TR: And use whatever weapon you find at hand. (BWANGNGGGG) (SS FALLS, UNCONSCIOUS) (SNARLING DOG, APPROACHING)

GK: Down! Stay! Sit! (DOG APPROACHING)

TR: Don't make eye contact with the dog. And repress your fear. Dogs can smell fear. Relax.

GK: Easy for you to say.

TR: Oftentimes throwing cold water at a dog will subdue it.

GK: Where did you hear that?

TR: I read it somewhere.

GK: Where am I going to find cold water?????

(SNARLING DOG)

TR: Use your coat to cover the dog's head.

GK: What coat?

TR: Try lifting the dog's hind legs off the ground.

GK: How about I lift your hind legs off the ground?? (THEY FIGHT)

SS: Honey......honey......wake up......what's wrong? (DREAM BRIDGE)

GK: Huh? What? Where am I?

SS: Why are you under the bed?

GK: I don't know. Why is it so cold in here?

SS: It's January, that's why?

GK: Where am I?

SS: You're home.

GK: Oh.

SS: It's almost five-thirty. Almost time to get up.

GK: For what?

SS: We have an 8 o'clock plane to catch.

GK: Where?

SS: Arizona. You forgot?

GK: No. Great. Arizona.

SS: We'll fly into Phoenix, we'll pick up our rental car at the airport, we'll drive to.....

GK: No. No car.

SS: ....The Grand Canyon.

GK: No car. We'll stay in Phoenix. In the hotel.

SS: You wanted to see the Grand Canyon-----

GK: We'll buy a video. They have videos.

SS: What's wrong?

GK: Nothing yet. Let's keep it that way.

TR (W GK ECHO): Survival....In....The.....Desert.

Old Sweet Songs: A Prairie Home Companion 1974-1976

Old Sweet Songs

Lovingly selected from the earliest archives of A Prairie Home Companion, this heirloom collection represents the music from earliest years of the now legendary show: 1974–1976. With songs and tunes from jazz pianist Butch Thompson, mandolin maestro Peter Ostroushko, Dakota Dave Hull and the first house band, The Powdermilk Biscuit Band (Adam Granger, Bob Douglas and Mary DuShane).

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